Around 4 a.m., I hear this very pathetic and quite alarming moan coming from my son's room. I run in nekkid as a jay bird to find my son, quite literally, on fire. He's shaking and I'm vaguely remembering something about fevers getting so bad, that children can go into convulsions. This scares me.

I strip his clothes off, give him Motrin (and a little extra too, what the hell!) and he then guzzles down a bottle of milk and half of another. My child is burning up. The fever is somewhere near 104-105. When he's laying my chest, and I'm using the lukewarm wash cloth to go over his forehead, he snuggles into me, whimpering, then snoring.

I felt absolutely horrible for him. I paid no attention to the time, so by the time this was all said and done, I was in bed at 5:15. (also, the place where his head was rested was so hot, my husband said it felt like I was sunburned)

At 6:00, my husband's alarm goes off. (Damn.)
At 6:15, he asks about the baby. (ShutupI'msleeping)
At6:16, he tells me he's written two checks for whatever. (gofuckyourself)
At 6:26, his nuts have been removed and shoved down his mouth. (seriously)
At 7:00, the carpenter shows up to fix the cabinet, so I get up. (babyissleepingstill)
At 9:00, the guy from Bang and Olfusen comes over to inspect a few things.
At 10:00, the guys installing the new plasma TV come over. My husband says, "Even if the baby is sick, at least you'll have a cool TV to watch". (dieyoubastard)
At 10:15, the lighting guys show up and start drilling holes and waking up my baby.
At 11:00, the car dealership calls and says a 'tie rod' is rusted up and they'll have to replace it to the tune of, "oh, $300". (Ihatemycar)

It's now 2:12. My car isn't done. My baby is napping. I can't nap. I have ... four strange men running through my house. I did get a shower, though.

Someone - and by that I mean my testicle-less husband - had best show up with my martini mix and make Syd a happy motherfucking camper.

PS I got barfed on, too. Grape Motrin and milk.
PSS I'm not doing a damn bit of spell check on this either!