The Rules:

1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the 5th sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same.

Here's my little nugget of wisdom from the "Terrible 2's" post:

He was also pretty stinking mad last night at the empty pizza box; not sure why, but it sent him into orbit.

Now, Fyrchk was so kind as to leave me people to tag. I only have a few of you to tag, so get on it and make me some funny stuff to read. Chop, chop:

1. Clairebell
2. AncientMariner
3. I DON'T HAVE ANYONE ELSE! No one reads this thing but you guys!
4. Having a martini now
5. And another ...

HDH and I are in a wedding next weekend. He's known the groom for about 7 years.

The couple was dating (read: screwing) while he was dating (read: screwing) other women across the country. He breaks up with her and climbs into bed with an ex-girlfriend (read: totally in love with him). On his way OUT of bed that afternoon, the phone rang, and he learned that he had gotten his future bride pregnant. He bid adieu to the once-again-trampled-on-ex-ex-girlfriend, and became committed (read: unlikely) to this woman. Baby is born and they decide to get married.

The months leading up to the wedding have been contentious at best. Fighting over rings, dress, allotted amount of funds to spend, whether she should have her own checking account, etc, etc.

She chooses her bridesmaid dresses. A very pretty dress and a great color. She fights with her sister-in-law (as she 'compromised her vision of the wedding') and kicks her out of it, leaving myself and her matron-of-honor. The matron-of-honor ends up evacuating New Orleans and leaves the dress. You get the idea of how well this is all going ...

HDH informs another groomsman that before they know it, all bridesmaids will be gone, the groom will have bailed, and that he and this guy would have to draw straws to marry her. Funny.

Got home this week to find an email waiting for me from the bride. Seems her husband-to-be has given her a prenup to sign 10 DAYS BEFORE the wedding. Her lawyer is unable to read it until Tuesday, and they are marrying that Saturday. She said she refuses to sign something that is 'negotiating their divorce already'. It already maps out the alimony and child support payments, that she would have to move out of 'their home' as it would then be 'his house' in 30 days, and no later.

All of that aside - don't you think that 10 days is a bit close to be giving someone this? I personally think that they're making a HUGE mistake by getting married. This is a sign, I tell you. A sign.

On a related note: I'm supposed to be singing at this function, too. I haven't even practiced. I also think it's going to be a bad thing to sing "At Last .... my looooooooove has come along" ... because really, it ain't so.

Thoughts??

I was in the garage, sweeping up the pile of pine never-ending pine needles and my son was playing in the car. Next thing I hear is the scream as his finger his stuck in the door. He cries for a bit, got lots of hugs and kisses, looked at me and said, "No No, Cah!" and off he went.

We went to Park City, UT this past Saturday through Tuesday. HDH had a meeting to attend, and I had to attend to my mental health!! So, we left baby and headed out. It seemed to make more sense to drive to someone other than me, so we drove from Denver, left about 6:30 on Sat. morning and got in around 2:00.

We spent the majority of the time in the car in Wyoming. I now have a new appreciation to what people think when driving through my hometown (eastern Colorado). It's flatter than a poker table on there. Nothing to look at my weeds, cows and antelope. Not that Wyoming (or eastern Colorado) isn't pretty in its own right, but man.

The room was awesome. HDH procrastinated on reservations; therefore, we ended up with one a bit more spendy, but it had a hot tub, a regular bath with jets, big shower, wood burning stove and an INCREDIBLE view of the changing colors. This was the view from our room:



Highlights:

HDH went flyfishing for the first time and got a HUGE fish. We will be posting photos as soon as his friend sends them to us.

We went to a show at the Olympic Training Center. Some athletes put on a little show for us, going off these incredible jumps and landing in the pool. They had dry suits and said they weren't very cold, but as it was 50 odd degrees out plus water, I'd think they were. Regardless, they totally kicked ass. (not the best photo, but you get the idea ...)



We had a great time. HDH got to see the fellows and residents he trained with. I read a book (Million Little Pieces ... oh.my.god.) and relaxed.

Now, back to the real world ...

But in the meantime, more photos of the changing colors!!

Last night, AGAIN, the light comes on in the shower and the switch is up.

I took advice from "Anonymous" and told them to rest in peace.

I also mumbled, "Quit f---ing with me".

Hmmm.

Last we heard, my friends escaping Hurricane Dirty Bitch made it exactly 30 miles in 6 hours. They pulled over as to preserve what little gas they could and cool off the baby (less than a month old, remember) as he was overheating.

Someone who lives near where they pulled over offered them a place to rest, and last we heard, they would stay there until the TX folks open the other lane of traffic.

I always say - do good, and good will come to you.

Thanks to those folks for taking in my friends and their family.

Eh. Hurricane Rita, you dirty bitch!!

My friend and her family (3-year-old and month-old baby, husband and his parents) are trying to evacuate Houston and head to San Antonio. When I talked with her yesterday, they were boarding up the casa, packing supplies and important things, and heading out this morning at 3 a.m. There weren't any hotels/motels open from Dallas to San Antonio, but thankfully, she remembered friends of friends in San Antonio - so are headed there. Another girlfriend called her today, and they are stuck on a highway that they believe is shut down.

I heard on the news that they are now asking people to put identity bracelets on your children in case ... in case ... I hope to God that doesn't happen to anyone, but I understand why it's necessary. This made me cry. A lot.

My aunt and uncle live in Corpus. She flew out this a.m. for Oklahoma and my uncle had to stay back because of his job related to the oil refineries, etc. Plus, he said if he had to leave to do something work related, he didn't want to worry about her at home. Again, I cried.

Again I say, "Rita, you dirty bitch!".

On a strange note:

I believe sincerely that we have a ghost in our upstairs master bathroom. Now, if ANYBODY can offer a REASONABLE explanation, believe me, I am ALL EARS!

Started not long after we moved in ... 3-4 years ago? This is a NEW house, but built on former Air Force property. I don't know what exactly was here before us, but I'm presuming barracks.

It started with the jets to the jacuuzi coming on at odd hours of the night. I'd get up, turn them off, they'd come on again. SHIT!! I thought that maybe this was some sort of normal thing - it had to clear its jets or something. But I can't find a shut off for this function. If I let it go off by itself, it lasts sometimes for 10 minutes at a time.

Lately, something new has been happening. Now, the lights in the shower are coming on by themselves. And I'm not talking about a flicker here and there. The switch moves!!

Last night, I'm lying in bed, falling asleep. It's dark, it's quiet. And then, I hear the sound of the shower light go on. Sure enough, the switch is manually been pushed UP again.

I marched into the bathroom, announced to "Bathtub Betty or Shower Sam or whateverthehellyournameis" to QUIT.

So ... ghost? Strange circuiting?

Tell me.

Please.

While discussing with HDH a strange turn of events in which a girl in my brother's h.s. class (now 25) married and had babies with the father (50-ish) of another classmate's whom she once dated ... I remarked that she was now wondering what she had done. I pointed out that it was likely the thrill of the moment, dating someone you 'shouldn't' be, and now they have kids and she's still young, and realizing what a mistake this all was.

HDH says to me: "You know, kind of like how I was your boss when we started dating".
Me: "You weren't my boss, dumbass".
HDH: "I am now!"

I threw something at him then.

Dumbass.

We live in a neighborhood where it is absolutely all to clear to me that these folks have WAY too much time on their hands.

Yesterday, in my email box, was an email from someone in our neighborhood 'alerting' us to someone who looks like such and such and has a dog that is such and such a breed that is pooping!! on lawns and leaving. Sort of like the Dine and Dash theory. Crap and Go.

It's become an all out assault to this man and his dog. It's a war now. And we've had ten (and I'm not kidding!!) emails since with other suggestions on what to do. I have to believe most of us are ignoring them, but ...

A few snippet's of the emails I have received:

- using cayenne pepper on the lawns to keep the dogs of smelling and pooping/peeing there
- calling the dogs "common pests"
- calling Animal Control, starting an Animal Poop Watch, having people ticketed, etc.

I'm all for people cleaning up their own dog's waste. It's common sense. And I've never had any problem with this ever.

Seems to me there are bigger issues in this world than dog's poop, but hey, what do I know.

Today, we went to the local warehouse drop-out site for all the clothing, diapers, etc. for the evacuee's in Denver. HOLY MOSES. There's so much!! The warehouse itself is stacked high and full of boxes and trash bags, miscellaneous pieces of high chairs, baby cribs, big people beds, dressers, you name it - it's there.

Jane (the ignorant slut one) and I went around 9 a.m. and worked until about noon. I'm not sure we even made one small dent in the mass amounts of clothing, but we tried.

I was most amused (read: annoyed) with two of the volunteers. They weren't from the Salvation Army or the Red Cross or any organziation. They were just off the streets like us looking to lend a hand.

Instead, we were met with yelling. And I do mean YELLING. The woman was bossy - lord, was she. While the objective was to move a stack of boxes (pre-sorted by some organization already) against the wall by label (Women's Shoes, Women's XL Pants, Women's SM Shirts, etc), she made it virtually impossible. She wanted (and why her??) all of the boxes to be super specific. If you put a long sleeved shirt in with a sweater, you were reprimanded. It was impressive.

Jane and I decided (after getting barked at a little too long) that we'd start pulling out the boxes that had general marks on them (Women's Clothing) and start sorting through those on tables, repacking them into boxes, then moving them by the wall. She would come by with her stinky sweaty fat head and yell at us. YELL.

One little old man asked if he could use her tape. She was running around with her stupid stinky sweaty fat head mouth taping up useless pieces of paper (signs) to the wall. She was becoming so obsessed with the minute details of what was in each box, we were running OUT of room for Men's, Children, etc. So, Sweet Old Guy asks for tape, and she yells, "NO!! THIS IS MY TAPE! I WILL BRING YOU BITS AND PIECES AS YOU ARE READY FOR THEM!!!" Then to me, "DO NOT CUT CORNERS! THIS IS THE LAST TIME THEY WILL BE SORTED!"

(you're telling me when these boxes are unpacked at the local 'store' they've set up for the hurricane folks that someone isn't going to rifle through and make sure again? Holy hell)

Then, there's the other Yelling Man that I cannot figure out for the life of me. He decided a mattress that had been delivered (which we were moving out of the way because Sweaty Fat Head Woman put too many damn pieces of paper up on the west wall and we needed more room for shoes ... women's shoes ... like, at least 50 boxes alone!) needed to be thrown away. So, to SFH Woman he yells, "HEY! WHOSE BRILLIANT BRAIN FART WAS THIS!" I sincerely wonder if they were married. If not, they should have been. And if they were, they should not be allowed under any circumstances to make babies. Ever.

About the time Jane and I find our way back to the table to , this booming voice from Yelling Man makes me nearly piss my pants. A Salvation Army truck has pulled up with yet MORE clothing and he yells to us, "LADIES! DROP WHAT YOU DOING AND GET OVER HERE! MOVE IT!! MOVE IT!!!" .

Holy Christ!! It's not some Death March in Siberia!! We are in middle America, sorting clothes, and absolutely NOT going to get through all this stuff in the next 8 hours. It's humanly impossible.

After this little outburst from Captain Loudmouth, Jane and I decide to head out and get some personal space from these nutjobs. Too many chiefs, not enough indians.

With all of this said, I should point out that our community has been extremely generous. Most of the clothing was in good quality and will be used by these folks.

But, to the dumbass at the site today who said, "Why the hell can't THEY (evacuee's) come down and sort clothes? They have nothing else to do!" ... I hope YOUR house is washed away with all of YOUR possessions. Maybe then you'll learn how these people feel, and how it would be EVERYTHING to them to be held up for a while.

My weekend consisted of the following:

Friday: Had lunch with my JH/HS English/Theatre teacher. She was one of my better teachers and truly gave me the passion for reading. It was awesome to see her again. That night, met up with friends for drinks at a local pub.

Saturday: Went to a photography exhibit downtown and walked in on two ladies doing coke in the bathroom.

Sunday: My husband's best friend told me that when HDH dies, in his will, it must say, "DD gets HDW". Ew. And the Broncos actually WON. Although, I'm 110% sure San Diego deserved the win. The Broncos blew serious ass.

And on a sidenote: I was reading a book to my son today. The character's name was "Nutbrown Hare". There's just too much wrong with that ...

The party last night was a total kick in the ass! They had the Cirque de Soliel folks there for entertainment. During the cocktail hour, people were walking/dancing on stilts, balancing on balls, you name it - it was fantastic. And after the business part of the evening, they had dinner and then more performances by "Circus Luna". I couldn't even BEGIN to describe some of the acts ... so many contortionists and such ... one woman climbed up two (for lack of a better word) sheets hanging from the ceiling and managed to wrap herself in them, hang from them, using her feet to keep from falling head first onto the floor.

My only question is how they knew what goes on in OUR bedroom. I mean, come on. I can hang from the ceiling JUST LIKE THAT ...

(And I found a great dress for the occasion, something like this, but only in a teal green ...)

At a company Christmas party last year, my friend brought a guy that she really, really, really, really liked. (did I mention, REALLY liked?) End of the evening, he makes it perfectly clear he'd like to date me. He gives me his business card and says, "Call me if something happens with your husband". Uh, NOT HARDLY.

Not long after the most-uncomfortable-evening, my girlfriend emails him and includes me on the email; therefore, he now has my email address. Motherf**k. Since then, I have gotten strange emails from him, some half-normal, but the one a few days ago takes the cake.

He said (and I quote): "Why can't you be single and end my single misery?" .... I told HDH and his response? "Tell him you have a 6'5" husband built like an NFL tight end who will end ALL of his misery".

Funny (and accurate).

Went to a 'celebration of an enduring life' this evening ... one of HDH's patients who had passed away in February. She was an INCREDIBLE artist - I was blown the hell away by her work. She lived life with so much passion - I never met her, but only could wish I would have. They said some people approach the ocean of life with a teaspoon, maybe a cup - but her? Nope. She brought a bathtub.

I want to be remembered like that. It was a good night, all in all.

HDH is out-of-town with his buddies - partying it up with the Wad and Willie Lump Lump (his names for them, not mine) tonight and watching football tomorrow with the rest (including Drunk Dave, will shall have implications for quite a long time, I'm thinking). I'm suspecting this weekend will do him good. I hope he has a blast.

So, baby is asleep, I've ordered in Chinese ... and now going to sit back, watch something on TV and relax.

Hope everyone has a great weekend - with no stabbing incidents to speak of (Fyrchick!).

Er, all three of you:

What on earth is "Mardi Gras Cocktail Attire"? We're invited to said party in a week or so. They had originally planned a Mardi Gras theme, but in lieu of this wretched bitch known as Katrina, they'll be sending party proceeds to her. But I digress ...

So, any ingenious ideas on what to wear?

(and no, I'll be leaving my titty beads at home, thankyouverymuch)

My son has been sick for the past few days. Nothing worse than what we've encountered with him before, but interesting nonetheless.

He came down with a fever Monday afternoon after we'd been to the zoo. (He was most fascinated with the fish, or "SHISHES!!") The fever went up to 101.

Yesterday morning, it was brinking on 103. He laid in my arms the better part of the day, limp as a rag and moaning. Motrin wasn't touching this fever.

I took him to the doctor's office because after 48 hours of temp with no other symptoms, they want to check the kid out. She says she thinks he has "Roseola". After the fever breaks, a big red rash will come out on his chest.

Last night, he threw up with the force of something hellish. The baby spewed forth everything he had just eaten ... pasta. Then, he proceeded to try and EAT what he'd just tossed up. There was a trail of vomit to the bedroom where I got him changed. The computer guy who was over had to step over some serious landmines.

This morning at 5:45, he vomited on me again - this time, rotten milk. But, slowly, his temp went away and still no red on his chest.

Instead, he's walking around hitting everything and saying "no". I think he's back.

Good ol' JANE called me last night ... said she had horrible dreams the night before about the hurricane. She dreamt that Cholera (yes, good ol' Cholera) had infected our entire neighborhood. She spent the dream trying to take all the hand sanitizer she could and grease up her kids, her husband, herself, her house, to keep out all those unwanted contaminations.

I casually mentioned that I had encountered many of the Katrina victims at the grocery store - ironically, where she was headed - and she FLIPPED OUT. She said she couldn't go, she wouldn't go.

I called her on it and told her it was absolutely ridiculous to act like she was. I have no idea if she actually went or not, but I'm venturing to believe she's living in her plastic bubble listening to "Money For Nothing" on loop.

Oh, my ridiculous neighbor. She never ceases to amaze me.

I will call her Jane. (Why Jane, you might ask? Because all I can think of when I talk with her is, “Jane, you ignorant slut!!” – courtesy SNL). I have little patience for people who have great resources to do good things and don’t. My neighbor is one of those people.

I have talked with Jane a few times this week. The conversations I have had with her have infuriated me, to which HDH responds, “You’re just NOW catching on to her behavior?” I've noticed. It just seems more ... glaring ... lately.

Here are some gems from recent conversations with her:

While watching all of the Hurricane Katrina coverage, I hear that Fats Domino is missing. I know Jane’s husband is big into jazz, blues, the New Orleans sound. I tell her this. Her response to me is, “Oh well. He’s OLD, you know?” SAY WHAT?? Okay, if people are old, then they don’t matter as much. What the hell??

She asked what HDH and I had done about donating. I told her we had given to an organization, as well as purchased a bunch of store brand tampons, maxi pads (I mean, really, how horrible would that be? Stuck someplace without any means to take care of your cycle? Good lord), diapers, wipes, and through in whatever else was in my baby closet that I just didn’t need. I mailed it off early last week and it will be in Houston today. She told me they were “waiting for the right time”, she guessed. The right time?? Like there IS one? There will always be a need there – for many months to come – but I can almost bet you my bottom dollar that she never will. They’ll sit, shake their heads at the TV, and never do a damn thing about it at all.

I should mention, too, that she then added how she splurged and spent “a lot of money” on all the Christmas DVD’s she’d ever wanted, plus CD’s she’d always wanted, too.

And then yesterday, I hear there are refugees coming to our area – within city blocks of our homes. I tell her that it would be smart to do some sort of neighborhood drive and take a lot of diapers, food, medicine, blankets and such to them.. She tells me she considered volunteering, but she doesn’t want to “catch cholera”. SAY WHAT?? She’s now worried our neighborhood will be ‘infected’. You have got to be kidding me.

I’m waiting now for the perfect moment to tell her then about my experience last night in the local Albertson’s. I stood in line with families displaced by the hurricane. I watched one woman put things back to get more, try and figure out what she could spend and save for later. I saw a line at the ATM that went out the front door. I heard one very old woman trying to figure out how to get back to the place where they are being housed. I told HDH I wanted to scoop them all up and make it okay again. I wasn’t worried about cholera (Jesus!!) or any other unknown things. These are PEOPLE. They aren’t germs.

(I'd like to think Jane just has her priorities mixed up. But then again, she doesn't sound like she has ANY.)

And then HDH summed it all up for me. I had been trying hard to understand why I wasn’t fitting in with these people, why they weren’t including me in lunch dates and family trips. For a while, I admit, I was feeling like I had done something wrong, looked the wrong way, too young, you name it. And then HDH said, “No. You have done nothing wrong. You are not superficial and they are."

So, I thank HDH for the reminder to be true. And I guess I’d just say that as soon as my baby is better (nice 101-103 temp last two days), I’ll be shipping him off to day care and finding out what I can do to help our new neighbors.

The Star of Hope charity in Houston, TX is taking donations for the hurricane victims. Obviously, we're not close to Houston, but there is an address they gave me today over the phone if you'd like to MAIL donations to them:

Central Bank of Houston
11201 Clay Rd.
Houston, TX 77401

They need just about everything ... here's the website if you are interested!!!

http://www.sohmission.org/needs.html

Last night on the radio, they were taking about the aftermath of the hurricane in the south. The question posed was this:

What one thing would you take from your house, assuming you were being lifted out and off the roof of your home?

The radio guys were saying "other than something alive", but I just couldn't think of something other than. I'd have my baby and a backpack full of diapers, wipes, food, etc. -- and maybe some photos. I have to think there are other people I've sent photos to in other parts of this world who would gladly give some back to us, right? I'd want photos of my dad, but again, I have a lot of family with the same photos. At most, my purse with money. Everything of monetary value is in a safe at the bank anyway.

HDH said he'd take the videos he made of his mother a month or so before she died. (At first he said you'd find him by his saltwater reef tank, saying, "The last time we saw HDH was by the fish tank saying, 'Don't give up, Friedmonte! DON'T GIVE UP!'")

So, what's the one thing you'd go for?