Truly.

The first town I lived in, less than 100 people. We lived 6 miles south of town. I grew up on a farm with cattle that pretty much got out of their pens a lot. I spent the majority of my time in a play pen, under the shade of the tree, with the cattle getting awfully close. Our dog, Blitz, would stand guard, apparently, and growl when they got too close. We moved when my brother was adopted to a bigger house, 8 miles up the road.

To a new town, 400 people. I graduated with 21 classmates, but three were exchange students. Most of those, though, I started Kindergarten with. I think in the end, 12 of us had started and ended that journey together. I can still tell you their hometown phone numbers, all their sisters, brothers, parents names, everything.

A few (very true) examples:

1. We had one blinking stoplight.
2. On more than on occasion, I had to pull over while Emily's chickens were figuring out which side of the road they were going to go on.
3. I was late to school because I would get stuck behind Kenny driving his tractor.
4. We had a great old movie theater - cost 1.50. Soda was .50 cents and popcorn was .25. And the guy that owned it had to crawl up into a little space in the ceiling to get to the projection room.
5. You went to the movie on the weekend (which was always about a month or two late after the release - I remember a HUGE LINE for "Top Gun") and then spent the rest of the night dragging main.
6. Picking up the phone to call your cousin and someone else was on it already - damn party lines!

It was really, truly - the John Mellencamp song - a small town. Old men sitting around the coffee shop, talking about the weather we weren't getting and the crops that weren't growing. Church ladies holding bake sales and sending postcards if you missed a morning of church (which rarely, if ever, happened.)

I still read my hometown newspaper. I still read the "What's Happening" column and find out about this person, that person. Baby announcements and obituaries. Some friends have left (like me), others hang around.

I opened up the paper today and laughed when I saw "Cow Patty Bingo" and how the tickets are still available. And how a man won the "Golden Wheat Award". My dad once won the "Golden Chicken Award" in 4-H back in the 50's. That's still funny to me. He didn't feel like trying, so just picked up a chicken, took it in, and found out later he won.

Today, I miss my hometown. I miss being able to sit outside on my patio, watching the storms roll in and drinking mom's sweet iced tea.




I miss hearing my dad on the CB radio asking when dinner might be ready. And I miss watching my brother try yet again to launch a rocket in the back yard that he'd been carefully building for days and days. (and then once, he succeeded, and the effin' rocket landed and started a fire in our pasture) I miss walking a 1/2 mile to our mailbox, down a dirt road, thinking I really hate rattlesnakes and pray God one didn't some slithering out from the ditch. I'd hear those little bastards shaking their tails, but only encountered one once.


If I close my eyes, I'm there. I'm sitting in the grass on our east lawn, watching the clouds, and dreaming about what life will be like when I finally get out of this little town. When I finally graduate and meet REAL BOYS and become a famous musician or a famous author.

I don't know if I'd tell myself then what it would be like now. I'd like to think I'd just tell myself to enjoy that innocent time and savor every second ...



... "Bobby told Lucy, "The world ain't round...
Drops off sharp at the edge of town
Lucy, you know the world must be flat
'Cause when people leave town, they never come back"
They go ninety miles an hour to the city limits sign
Put the pedal to the metal 'fore they change their mind
They howl at the moon, shoot out the light
It's a small town Saturday night" ...

Oh, the holiday weekend ... everyone have a good one?

My crazy grandmother came to visit on Friday evening and stayed the night at our house. My son warmed up later in the afternoon and kept calling her something similar to our name for her, "Gee-Bear". She loved it, when he said it of course. Now that she's gone, he says it all the time. Figures. She apparently told my husband he'd gained the weight this time, and told me I had 'no stamina' and 'no constitution', and continued puffing away on her Winston. Who knows.

On Sunday, we took my son, my brother and six-year-old nephew to see Body Worlds 2 at the Denver Museum of Nature and Science. Truly, an interesting show, I'm sure. I mostly tried to keep a two-year-old happy and tried to explain what it was all about to my six-year-old nephew. He was doing the usual, "you mean, that is what's under my SKIN??".

And the we came upon a guy that looked about like this:



I see the "boy parts" hanging down. I look at my nephew. My nephew looks at me. I am fully expecting to hear the questions. And not that I'm not prepared to answer them. He looks at me completely serious and says, "Aunt HDW .... that guy has a funny looking belly button!" - and walks off. And it's true - they'd made a belly button for the guy - and my nephew was fascinated with this.


We're packing and getting ready for our trip to Philly. Again, any suggestions are more than welcome! Looking forward to sleeping in, relaxing, trying to places to eat and meeting new people. Always a great time.

Have a great week, everyone!

THE PROMISE KEPT
by: Bruce Obermeyer

Their son was only two weeks old; their daughter's years were three
When duty called this pilot to the war across the sea.
"Let's just pretend you're only going on a business trip.
Each day we'll write about the things we've done and then we'll slip
a note into an envelope and put it in the mail.
You send me yours; I'll send you mine, I promise, without fail."
He walked away with pounding heart while fighting back the tears with "Come home soon, I love you, Daddy" ringing in his ears.
They kept that promise, sealed with love some 30 years ago.
They sent him tapes and photographs so he could watch them grow.
They're married now with children of their own who, at the Wall,
ask "Was my Grandpa brave?" and Grandma says, "Bravest of all."

Homeless or Jesus?

You decide!

I got this beautiful arrangement of flowers today from HDHusband. He has witnessed one of the hardest and longest weeks of my life (and really, the sick toddler was a total reprieve from what was really happening in my head and heart). The flowers were a great surprise and I appreciate the thought very much.

And plus, this is about the only thing I have blooming right now. Someone (coughyardguyscough) forgot to really turn ON our irrigation system (after the pipe broke, and we had to fixed, only to have them come out afterwards and forget to switch on the main water switch ... ), and the lawn, the flowers, the everything - is dying. And for those of you familiar with Colorado, WATER IS NECESSARY.

But whatever.

I have a really nice bunch of flowers from my husband.

Here's how it works:
Write 15 things about 15 separate people, but don't name them. They can be things you were too shy to tell people, things you wish you could tell them, or things you hate about them. Anything.

1. I am so proud of you. I will always be in your corner, no matter what. You are often misunderstood, but I still remember the little boy that thought he taught frogs to jump and saved injured baby bunnies, and kept them in the bedroom. Your heart is in the right place.

2. I will never regret telling you goodbye. Forgiveness doesn't mean you continue to allow someone to hurt you. I can forgive you, but I don't have to stick around.

3. You make my heart so happy, and I can't imagine this world without you in it. Your little kisses make my heart melt.

4. I miss you. And I'd give just about anything to have you back.

5. I wish I could have known you longer. I know you were an incredible person and I'm sorry I didn't have the chance to know you better.

6. I only told you looked good in your new "Pineapple Capri's" because I think you are stupid, and you might as well dress the part, too.

7. You are a crazy woman - CRAZY. You are mentally unstable and you don't flush toliets. You have a big nose and a big ego. I wish you well and I wish you far. You are taking up oxygen. Be gone already.

8. If your list wasn't so unrealistic and completely out in left field, you'd probably have found someone to share your life with by now. Really.

9. Yes, I know what a VCR is. You still suck.

10. It's not the end of the world. I know it feels like it now, but you will get through this and we will be here to make sure you do.

11. I hate your cats. And I hate them even more because you love them more than you love your own son. I think that's the saddest thing ever.

12. I have never felt abandoned by you. I never have felt unwanted or unloved by you. You had to make a decision that was best for everyone. It couldn't have been easy to do. If we never meet, I wish you could know that I'm fine, my life is fine, and I thank you for giving it to me.

13. I love laughing with you. To see you happy and relaxed is one of the greatest joys in my life.

14. I'm so glad I met you, and I'm so glad I kept in touch with you after you moved out of the 16th St. house. You have been one of my best friends, and almost ten years later, you are still a necessary presence in my life.

15. When I heard the news on Saturday afternoon, my whole world shifted. Every thing that was my balance, and right and wrong - changed. I want believe it didn't happen. I want to believe this is all a mistake. I want to believe that the respect and love I have for you isn't going to go away. I desperately want not to believe you could hurt my family so badly. And yours, as well. May God show mercy on your soul.

Apparently, HDToddler is feeling much better. He is starting to eat again, which is nice. I am making up for some of the lost sleep. Yesterday we were up at 5:45 a.m. - and today, 7:45 a.m. Aaaaaah, heaven!!

My grandmother from New Mexico will be staying at our house tomorrow night. She is either really wonderful to be around, or an absolute crank. Because she and my grandfather fought for 60 years for their life (and now that he's gone), she has to fight with someone. Last year, she said, "HDW, I've just never SEEN you so heavy. It bothers me!". I'm already tensing up and bracing for what could be an interesting experience.

A few things to note before I tell you my story:

1. My son is sick. He has had a temp of 102.7 and has been sick the last 24-36 hours. He is grumpy, he did nothing but sleep on my chest yesterday, moaning and crying.

2. Because of my vacation and now sick baby, I haven't been able to go to the grocery store. We needed, well, EVERYTHING!

We make a quick trip to the grocery store up the road. It's virtually an empty parking lot. There aren't many people shopping there at 10:30 a.m., except other SAHMom's and dad's. I didn't have time to grab everything on my list as my son was starting to lose it in the store. I got what I could remember (Pedialyte, applesauce, etc) and headed to the check-out line.

After I've finished paying and leaning in to put the rest of the bagged groceries in the basket, this woman behind me edges her cart up. She's obviously in a hurry. Fine, whatever.

In the parking lot, I unload all the groceries into the car, take the cart back to the little designated cart dropoff and put my son in the carseat.

People, I am a fast "putter-inner" of my son in the carseat. I do this at least 20,000 times a day. Sometimes, 40,000. Today was no different. I'm bending over to put him in, trying to jockey the door open enough because someone has parked a little too close to me - and I don't want to dent their car - which, for the record, I would totally do now. But fine, whatever - I'll make it work.

I start putting my son in the carseat.

CuntWoman (same one from the grocery line): Slams trunk and turns to walk between the cars, tries moving my door to get by. (and people, there IS NO GODDAMN ROOM!!)

Me: "I'm almost done."

Her: "I DO NOT HAVE TIME! I HAVE TO MEET MY BOSS!" (arms folded, pretty much tapping her foot)

Me (standing up, trying to wedge myself out of the car door space, thereby backing her stupid ass up): "Oh really? Well, I don't have time either. I have a two-year-old with a temperature of 102. I have no food in our house and am trying desperately to get home in time to give him some, and put him back to bed. No one in our house has slept, and I don't really care if you're in a hurry! Back off!"

I snapped my son in the car seat and slammed my door, mumbling something not-so-nice-but-certainly-accurate under my breath. She got into her car, sped off, leaving her cart in the middle of the parking lot, where any car could hit it.

Give me a fucking break.

A year ago, I decided I'd join my friend Fyrchk in the blogging world. I didn't think I'd have very much to post about, but turns out, I had a-plenty. I've met some awesome people through the blogging world - in person, via IM, via phone, via webcam. It's been fan-freaking-tastic.

We've even rocked the boat a bit when someone stole my web design last year. Who doesn't love some e-drama, right?

And because you are all faithful followers (coughnotreallycough), you'll remember that my son (HDToddler) was sick for the better part of the first eighteen-months of his life with eighteen ear infections and plenty of other crazy infections/diseases, you'll laugh that it's so ironic today - when I intended to take my time and write a great anniversary post and really put thought and time into it - that he'd have a fever of 103 and be miserable with some viral throat thing that "isn't strep" but "something like it" (say what?).

It figures.

So, I'm off to be mom, sit in the big "chair", rock, watch another installment of Toy Story, insist he drink the juice, promise him it will get better, and maybe sleep sometime today myself.

Until then - thank you all who stop by and read this on a semi-regular basis. It's been awesome to know you and learn more about your lives, as well.

Muchas smooches!

EDIT: And thanks to Laurie for learnin' this girl how to LINK. Good god, people. And thanks to Fyrchk for un-fucking-up my posts. I'm e-tarded a lot of the time.

And because it's funny:

I'm going to leave the commentating up to Fyrchk (regarding the funnies that happened on the cruise).

I will say a few things, though:

1. Fyrchk rocks. (like I needed to say that anyway??)

2. I sat next to a very icky man and his little boy on the plane from Denver to Orlando. He was writing a 'novel' (he was on Chapter 37). I happened to glance over and saw something about "... she didn't realize she was touching and rubbing herself while talking to Ronnie on the phone". This was enough for me. The flight attendant came by, said something to him about how she liked my necklace, and he poked me in the arm, saying, "Hey! I think she thinks we're married!" Never. Not if Jesus came down and asked me to himself. Not in a million years, Pervo.

3. Skip Freeport, Bahamas. You'll only see cheesy shit to buy and someone you like will slice their foot open on a coral/rock on the beach. You will be hounded for the hair braiding ("Braid your hair, precious??"), to refuse a thousand times, only to board the ship later and see the biggest redneck of all sporting some pretty braids on his rat tails. Fyrchk took a picture.

4. Do not order the lobster bisque. It will taste like asshole. Provided that's what asshole tastes like, I'm not sure. But, we took lots of great photos of our dinners!

5. On the way to the snorkeling adventure, we saw lots of celebrity homes, including Oprah's house, Lisa Marie Presley's house, Tom Cruise's and Barry Bond's. And people booed Bond's name. I laughed. And a sidenote: the guys were taking more pictures of Oprah's house that any other. Huh?

6. We saw a giant eel in the rocks while snorkeling in Nassau. The storm was moving in pretty fast, causing big currents and waves; therefore, pushing us awfully close to the thing. Neither Fyrchk or myself wanted to DIE, so we peddled away after she got a photo. And then we ate a shitty $8 cheeseburger while the sand blew in our faces. But, we did rock out to UB40 on the boat on our way back.

7. We learned while in Nassau that a 21-year-old guy had fallen off the ship docked next to us while out at sea a few nights before. That was just plain sad.

8. Fyrchk felt the ship moving almost always, and I didn't really feel it (or it didn't bug me) until the last 24 hours. We were in some icky waters. I almost fell over in the shower trying to shave my legs. I reported to Fyrchk that I thought we hit a bunch of dolphins or something.

9. When you disembark and are trying to find your luggage, you won't. You will be herded around like cattle and start getting pretty pissed off. Then once through customs, you will sit on a bus for 45 minutes while they laugh about a "bomb scare" going on on the ship you just got off of. Once at the airport, you'll stand by on two flights in hopes of getting home early before your son goes to bed. You'll finally get home and find your rear car tire almost as flat as your chest in the 6th grade. And you'll have to figure out how to fix this with an almost dead cell phone battery at 8:45 at night. You will manage to make it to the gas station, praying the whole time, and offering to give up whatever you need to give up in order to make it home. And while airing up the tire, you will see a giant nail in the most awkward position ever in your tire. You will count your lucky stars you made it home.

10. Had a great time, will leave a lot of the stories from HotPants over at Margaritaville to post.

I uploaded tons of photos on my Flickr account, so if you feel like purusing those, you are welcome to.

On the homefront:

My son's daycare lady is on vacation until next Wednesday, so I'm solo with the Bug. We will be going to the zoo (a lot). It's going to be in the 80's this week; I'm anticipating a lot of outdoor time.

We'll be leaving for Philly next week, too, so anything you can offer as far as what to do and places to eat, I'm all ears!

My latest post can be found under the pretty ocean picture. I'm really not in the mood to go back and fix it!

So, Happy Monday! Pass the tequila!

Fyrchk edit: I fixeded it for you.

.... but this is what we left behind!

People, we have landed in the BAHAMAS!!!

Fyrchk and I are having a blast. She's writing a post about it now on her blog ... go check it out at Margaritaville. She's sitting behind me as we speak type-type-typing away about the funny that has been our encounters thus far.

Oh, and she's already battled a piece of coral/rock thingie on the beach here in Freeport. And that fucker won.

Tonight is the Captain's dinner, too ... lobster or filet mignon. Mmmmm. We shall be saucy.

Love you guys!

This is my Mother's Day gift:



.... lotsandlotsandlotsandlots of white wine! Complete with a card that said, "HDToddler can hardly wait to give you reasons to drink all of this, too".

From my in-law's, I got a few cool books, a picture frame, and a note that said, "To HDW: A great mom to our grandson".

And now ... I am preparing to leave for the cruise. I have surpised myself with a lot more room in my suitcase than I had originally planned. This is a good thing!

Conversation with HDHusband last night regarding the cruise:

Him: Don't fall off.

Me: I wasn't planning on doing so.

Him: I just don't want to hear about you on CNN. "She did the congo line and fell off the back!"

Me: Well, if I do go over during the congo line, I hope it's during the part when I say, "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!" ... SPLASH!

I'm not falling overboard. I think I've already done that HERE, and this is why I'm GOING on a cruise. Time for a break. Time to recharge. Time to connect with friends and relax and enjoy myself.

To all the mom's, have a WONDERFUL Mother's Day! Do something special. You all are!

Kisses until later this week!

Mmmmmmwah!

While I was unloading groceries, HDToddler found a can of red paint (stain, maybe?) and tipped it over. Notice all the little toddler shoe prints, as well.

When I did the typical mom reaction ("Oh crap!! Oh maaaan ..."), he grabbed a broom and started smearing it around, saying, "Hep??" for "help".

Yah.

Can't be mad, really.

And as a friend pointed out, we'll forever have cute little shoe prints of our growing up so fast little man.

I decided I'd go ahead and get my PARTS waxed before the cruise. I went last week. I didn't blog about it because, well, I was still crying and shaking from the experience.

I really DO have a high pain tolerance. I went through well over 24 hours in active labor without pain meds. I can handle pain.

But I cannot handle hard wax. They put the wax on and rip it off with their fingers. And this is what I went through last week, for about an hour.

She was talking along, trying to distract me, but the skinning of my vagina skin wasn't very cool. And she didn't put any salve stuff on after. Nothing to cool the pain.

When I left, my vagina was on FIRE. I was putting aloe vera on it that night and my husband was saying, "Why the hell would do that???". Good question.

And a week later, I have stray hairs (read: patches) she missed and it's getting stubbly. Doesn't make sense. She told me to come in this week "for a touch-up". Bull shit. I shouldn't have to come in for any touch-up after a week. I'll stick to shaving then.

I got tagged by the Hot Goddess Fyrchk. Here's the dealio: You are assigned a letter and have to list the first ten words that come to mind starting with that letter. Include an explanation of what that word means to you.

Okay, here goes NOTHING:

1. Cruise: Um, yah. Because I'm leaving on Saturday for a cruise to the Bahamas with said Fyrchk.

2. Cock: Like the BIRD you sinners. Duh.

3. Corn: Oooh, it's my most favorite thing ever. I'm a whore for corn on the cob. Swear.

4. Coochie: Mine is all waxed up and pretty and ready not to be seen on the cruise!

5. Cinderella: I'll take that bitch out. I think there were some pages missing from that story.

6. Caprial: Great chef in Oregon. Incredible food. Fan-freaking-tastic.

7. Colorado: A much better state than ...

8. California: heh heh. Suck that, Galvin.

9. Cramps: What I'm likely to get in the Bahamas because God hates me and will make me bleed there. Promise.

and

10. Charleston: The one place HDHusband and I want to visit. We have all the books and want to go, just need to make the time already.

HDHusband and I are going to Philly for the first time the end of May into first week of June. Anyone reading this recommend nice places to eat? Any 'must-see's' as far as the touristy stuff? Weather reports? Anything?

And speaking of traveling, Fyrchk and I leave this Saturday for the BAHAMAS. I will be having a helluva time trying to figure out what to pack, and I will likely pack too much and bitch about how heavy my suitcase is, etc.

This matters not.

I will have a heavy suitcase in the Bahamas and that is all the matters.

Taking a blogging hiatus ...

I'm wanting to go to the farthest corner of the Earth and just hide there.

See you around in a while! Not long, just a little bit!

Yesterday, a former manager of mine (that I've not heard from in quite some time) sent me this instant message:

"Hi! I was hoping you'd sign on. Are you interested in coming back to work and being a temp for me?"

I have had plenty of thoughts about going back to work part-time, just so I could dress-up again, get paid for something and have some variety in my life. Trouble is, I wouldn't work for her again.

~ I contemplated all the times she did nothing.
~ I thought about all the time she showed up two hours late and left two hours early (which was every single work day).
~ I considered the crazy crush she had on my husband and how she asked me what he sounded like in the bedroom.

I thought a lot of things in a span of the five seconds it took me to write back:

"I'm not interested."

Plus, I'm not really interested in driving from my house to Boulder a few days a week. That's one hell of a commute from my house. Also, we'll be gone on trips (four between next Saturday and Father's Day).

I hated working for her.

I hated that she wore suntan hose with white shoes in December.

Apparently, I'm still not over those things.

Original Bird Post Here

My neighbor called today and said she is now having 'massive guilt' over removing the bird eggs out of the box. She believes she's having 'bad bird karma' and now something like this bad shit will be happening to her.



And now her girls want to take the eggs (They're dead, Jim!) to Show and Tell. She won't let them, because she doesn't want everyone to know that she took out the baby bird eggs and let them die.

I think it's all kind of funny, actually.

I received not one, but TWO May Day baskets yesterday. Our neighbor girls have given us one every year since moving in. They ring the bell, you take your time getting the door as not to bust them, and act oh-so-suprised to find a pink basket with flowers and candy on the inside - all the while hearing them giggle away behind the wall. Also, my son 'made' one for at day care, and scribbled all over the outside of his.

Also, we had a small flood in our storage room yesterday. When the lawn guys came to turn on our sprinklers, we discovered a broken pipe. And boy, was it ever broken.

After a call to the plumber, five hours and 'six cents short of a thousand dollars' later, we had holes in the wall, a fixed pipe, and a lot of wet stuff in the room. Nothing got wet and got ruined, thankfully.

I had horrific MOM dreams last night. Kept dreaming my son was lost and I couldn't find him, that it was snowing outside and he was out in it and wouldn't answer to me when I called.

And tonight, I'm having dinner with my brother, his biological mother and her children. I'm nervous, happy, excited, all sorts of things.

Now, I'm going to have my coffee and snuggle The Bug.

"I'm the chick in the relationship - absolutely. In fact, I put a mirror between my legs just the other day looking for my vagina, but it eludes me every time".

- our single and 40-ish guy friend who came over last night for dinner and wine