"Snow can wait
I forgot my mittens
Wipe my nose
Get my new boots on
I get a little warm in my heart
When I think of winter
I put my hand in my father's glove
I run off
Where the drifts get deeper
Sleeping beauty trips me with a frown
I hear a voice
"You must learn to stand up for yourself
Cause I can't always be around"
He says
When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear
Never change ..."
~ Tori Amos

(check out the other submissions at Love Thursday)

Seriously.

I thought our vacation stories had ended, but NO! How silly of me. We had 12 hours to go.

We went to the airport this morning, bright and early. Drop off the rental car. Check in for our flight (my suitcase was five pounds over - ooops - but because I was a DENVER BRONCOS fan - had the hat on and everything - he waived the fee). Things were going alright.

We decided to hang out at this play area before going through security. HDHusband stayed back to watch The Bug and I went to get coffee and buy a card for our anniversary that's coming up.

As I'm walking out of the shop, here comes HDH. But, there is no Bug. I asked him where he was, and he says, "I thought he was with you?". And as soon as I saw the "I'm not kidding" look on his face, we freaked out. FREAKED OUT, people.

Ran. Far. Fast.

HDHusband thought The Bug was behind these girls, walking down the hallway. I happened to come out of the store, so he thought the Bug had gone in with me.

Nope.

HDH ran ahead, and I ran behind, trying to look into stores and what not, thinking The Bug may have gotten stalled at the toy store. No.

I'm running, looking everywhere, afraid he'd pop his head out and I'd be blasting by at a speed that would make a gazelle blush.

Things going through my head:

"Oh my god, NO! Please God, please God - PLEASE bring him back. Where is he? Oh God. I can't find my baby. Where is my baby? Find a security agent. Find a security agent. Grab ANYONE with a badge! WHERE ARE THE PEOPLE WITH THE BADGES?!?"

About now, we're on the opposite end of the airport. See, there are two security stations bookending the airport (with the shops in the middle, where I was), and he's gone from one end to the other. HDHusband turns left and runs out into the ticketing area, thinking maybe he ran that way.

We're about five minutes out now. And five minutes doesn't sound like much unless you are looking for your baby, trust me on that one.

I run into this throng of people, waiting for their turn in the (other) security line. I saw nothing but a sea of people I wanted to pick up and move with my eyes. I wanted to see my baby, and why was in he in all black this morning? I was kicking myself while running for not making him keep his orange jacket on. I couldn't see the forest for the trees.

And I swear - out of nowhere, this man walks out of this crowd and says, "Hey! Are you looking for a kid?", I tell him yes, and he points right to this security agent (the one who gets to check your ID and ticket) and she is holding The Bug. Who looks a bit scared, kind of amused.

I turn to thank the man, and you know what? He was gone. POOF. Like he'd never been there. What do I believe? I believe in angels. I believe we certainly have them and this very well may have been my son's. It was sincerely as if he appeared out of the crowd to show me The Bug. He stood out from everyone.

I took Bug into my arms and tried to be brave. The security agent said something about how she didn't know whose kid it was and had called the main security folks. I don't know how long she had had him. People were starting to talk and stare. You know, "What mother would let her child get away ... ", so I said something about 'husband lost track of him' and left. Crying. People were consoling me as I walked back. I was sobbing.

We finally found my husband, equally as frantic. We hugged. I kept crying. 'Cause that's what I do - I cry, I guess.

Truly, not a very fun way to end your trip, you know?

I can offer up one other unfortunate incident:

My in-law's just called to tell us that when I put the hideaway bed back last night after The Bug's nap there, I apparently managed to trap their cat underneath. Not in the mattress, but under the couch part. The cat is fine. Wasn't in there for all that long. I told her to call back if we'd managed to mess anything else up at their home.

I want to go to bed.

Now.

Sigh.

Saturday: HDHusband continued to share the post-mortem on the Civil War game he attended with his college buddies. Apparently ill-fated from the beginning. He offended one of the other passengers in the van on the way to the game (not really a surprise at all) who called him "abrasive", followed by "actually, no - more like laconic!". HDHusband was irritated the guy wouldn't get to the point of a story. One of the other attendee's ended up drinking straight gin from a flask, did some shots of Jager, and probably had a bunch of other stuff to drink (but jeez, straight GIN??). He wound up in a scuffle, the cops were called, an ambulance took him to a hospital where his blood alcohol was 357. Seriously. What's that - like, six times the legal limit? He didn't know his name, birthdate and had lost his driver's license and cell phone. Idiot. So, my husband and his friends waited around the PoDunk ER for the guy to be released. They asked him if he wanted to stop anywhere to eat. Did he want CHOWDER!? I gave my husband shit for not being nicer to him. HDH said, "That's the problem with you CHICKS, man. You always want to support each other!" - ha.

We went to dinner Saturday at another college buddy's house. He had invited a few more of HDH's fraternity brothers and other college friends, too. I was THE ONLY FEMALE. The host's wife took off for a mystery dinner. A few other of the females bailed. I was flying solo. And everything was going just fine until the host got a wee bit intoxicated and started doing some crazy groping. And when I got up to move, I sat on the floor and the damn DOG started humping my arm. SWEAR. TO. GOD. Ack!

I did learn a few things, though.

1. The host (aka the Groper) spent a lot of time travelling for his job to Asia in the 90's. He was walking down a street once and was stabbed. When I asked him why, he said, "Oh, probably something political". He stumbled into a taxi, they took him to the hospital, bandaged him up, but couldn't stitch him up the next day because they were observing some national holiday. And you can't do anything on that holiday. The stabber missed his liver, etc. by just a bit.

2. Another one of HDH's is a plant breeder. He makes better blackberries in California. It was truly fascinating to talk to him about what he does and how he does it all. My dad had helped invent a shorter wheat hybrid in the late 60's. I'm looking him up whenever we land in the Monterey Bay area.

3. I learned, too, you shouldn't apparently wear a black sweater. Or you'll get humped by a black dog. You just never know.

Sunday: We met a group of friends at a cool little cafe in Sellwood. It rained like a mofo all morning, and I LOVED IT. Anyway - My son ate three packets of jelly for breakfast (nice). We went up the block to a cool toy store and let the kiddos run around in there. I was semi-propositioned by a creepy dude inside the toy store, prompting my husband's cousin to laugh so hard I thought he'd lose his water. My husband also spotted a woman in a mink coat with her pj's on underneath. Hmmm.

We are now at my husband's dad's house.

My son is sleeping. My husband is bitching about his fantasy football picks and how they're sucking this week. We come home tomorrow.

I'm actually looking forward to coming home and putting up the Christmas decorations. And also looking forward to calilng the drywall guy and chewing massive ass for putting me off for 2.5 weeks.

Hope everybody had a safe and fun weekend. And that you didn't get accosted by a miserably fixed man and a fixed dog.

And ... we left off with HDHusband heading to the rental car place to get a replacement vehicle. He said the easiest part was getting a car, the hardest part was finding a gas station. After driving around forever, he finally did land one and got back to the hotel, in the pouring rain.

GOD, I LOVE THIS RAIN!!

Thanksgiving, we had lunch at HDH's dad and stepmom's house. HDH is seriously allergic to cats. After he sneezed 4,000 times and his eyes started to swell shut, we came back to the hotel. And somewhere in the there, our son didn't really nap. He fell asleep at all the wrong times (ie: CAR). By the time we would get where we were going, he had a power nap and was fired up again. So, we were dying for the over load of turkey consumption, and HDToddler was ready for battle. He had also refused to eat anything during dinner (too much cat chasing and kid playing). About an hour into his 'night-night', he woke up telling me his tummy was 'talking' and he wanted it to 'shush'.

Today, HDHusband met his college buddies at 6:30 a.m. and headed down to the Oregon State/U of O game. Where it rained. And downpoured. All day long. When we talked to him tonight after OSU's win (go beav's!), he stated the game was great except for when Noah's Ark went by. And something about his buddy's friend ending up in the ER. Something about drinking too much and the cops making the guy go. They were on their way to get him. Doesn't sound promising.

I dropped HDT off with grandma and headed to a party at my sister-in-law's house. They had rented out a tent that covered up the driveway, a fire pit, and an incredible spread of food. MY GOD. I ate myself silly. I believe that I made up for the second's I didn't take yesterday. Lordy. Also, a fun group of people. I knew three out of the 50 there, and they made it easy to make friends, if you will.

So, now we're back to the hotel room, waiting word on Daddy and the trouble his friend's friend is in. He'll probably be really happy to get into a warm room and change clothes, I'd guess.

We just finished watching Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends (see, Howard - it's not all that bad!). I bought a bottle of wine just because I liked the name of it.

Hope everyone has had a safe holiday weekend thus far!!

I tell you I'm not going to post, but you know, our family vacations (and I use 'vacation' quite loosely) are never really boring.

Tuesday:

Fly out for Portland. I had this great idea about buying a portable DVD player for my son on the plane. I did charge the battery, but had failed to really give it a trial run before getting on the plane. We couldn't figure out how to open the damn thing - and why? because we were doing it backwards. WE FELT SO STUPID. Way to overthink things, HDFamily! Idiots.

We get into Portland, get our bags, and things are really going way too smoothly. HDToddler didn't melt down on the plane (but for a few small instances). Our bags didn't take a wrong turn and head for another destination. We're doing great.

We had signed up a few months earlier for a certain rental car company (OJ used to do the commercials for) and their gold membership. Meaning that we show up, skip the other line, and our car is waiting for us.

But of course, it isn't. Our name isn't up on The Board. We go inside to the service counter where I man I shall call Vladmir was working. Through broken English, he told me that we didn't have gold membership and that was why our car wasn't waiting for us. And with a disgusted look and tone, he tells us that he will "I guess help you anyway". I tell him we do have a membership, and he says we probably let it expire.

Well, aren't you lovely. WE HAVE THE MEMBERSHIP. I pull out the gold card (expiring in 2008) and show it to him. After a few moments, it is agreed that we do have a membership and our car should be waiting. All the while, I have a two-year-old running around the waiting room, picking up the 'yellow phone' and making ominous sounding calls to someone in the car rental world. Maybe the Car Czar, who knows.

We get to our car, throw all of our 1200 pieces of luggage in (car seat, stroller, kitchen sink) and take off for the hotel. We determine it is wise to put our son down for a nap as soon as possible as it's past his real one anyway, and we're both wiped the hell out. We get checked in, have him asleep, order pizza, check email, relax.

Later, on our way to the in-law's, we notice a caution light on the dashboard. Seems the tire was low. We didn't see any real error, so we decided to just watch it. We have dinner the in-law's and listen to their stories about their cats that are really humans, you know. These are the same people who gave us a cat frame with a picture of their cat in it for my son's second birthday.

Wednesday:

It's raining and I'm loving every friggin' second of it, too.

HDHusband sleeps in. I curse him for this. We meet HDH's sister and her daughter at a portrait place. The idea was to put the two together in a photo for Papa (grandpa) for Christmas. While we're waiting for them to show up, we attempt to shoe shop for HDT who proceeds to throw a fit like none other. I broke a sweat getting the shoes ON him. It's wet here, you know, and the Croc's we brought weren't going to cut it. I had purchased a pair of shoes right before we came without him there to try on and they didn't fit. HDH told me that was the stupidest thing ever to do. I reminded him about the last leak in the fishtank. My mistake didn't cost that much to fix! ARGH! I shall kick his ass.

Sister-in-law and Niece arrive. Niece (who is 2) has thrown up all over herself in their car. Luckily, there is a change of clothes. Once this is squared away and the kids are in the room, Niece flips out and refuses to sit, stand, lay or be anywhere near where she needs to be to have her photo taken. My son thinks it's fabulous, and makes himself into a mini-model for a few minutes. We bought a ton of photos, of course.

We come out of the store to find our tire near flat. HDH takes it to get aired up.

HDT goes to hug his cousing goodbye (as we're standing outside) and he (on accident) topples her over into a cold and wet rain puddle. Not such a good day for her or her mommy.

We went for dinner at HDH's cousin's house. HDToddler played with his third cousin (same age) famously for hours. No fighting, no real tears, nothing. And then they ran across the room and banged heads, and my kid got a monster bloody nose. Poor bug.

Leaving the house, the caution light is back on again. HDH and I decide the best thing to do is return the car. I'm thinking that driving around on a SPARE until Monday isn't a great ideal. He's at the rental place now, cursing everyone that he's there at 10:30 on the night before Thanksgiving I'm sure.

I'll keep you posted. I'm sure it will only get more interesting from here on out ....

Ha ha! I love this cartoon ... has nothing to do with anything, but I think it's hysterical ...

Happy Monday! And by 'Happy', I mean, "GOOD GOD! I WANT TO GO BACK TO BED!". I'm tired. I've had dreams all weekend of forgetting to pack for our Thanksgiving trip, showing up to the airport with nothing in hand. I even tried packing some last night, and I still had the dream. Odd.

We leave for Portland, OR tomorrow. We're leaving 68 degree, sunny weather for 50 degree weather with rain forecasted for every day .... and I'm so happy! I love the rain. I love those cloudy weather, rain and drizzly days.

Among the highlights planned for the trip:

1. Visiting his aunt who is Debbie Downer to a "T"
2. Thanksgiving Day dinner with his dad and stepmom (the one addicted to Percocet, but 'not really').
3. HDH will go to the Civil War game, and I'll go to a party at my step-sister-in-law's house
4. Dinner with his college buddies one night.
5. Hopefully some shopping because it's just not right to go to Portland and not shop. I'd be content to live out my final days in Powells. It feels like a city block full of amazing books!

Tonight, I'm meeting up with Kath and a few other folks to see Howard perform at Jazz @ Jacks with the Monkey's Uncle gang. If you're a Denver blogger and interested in heading out for a funny show, this is the one to go to!

Alrighty, friends, I'm audi.

I will attempt to post from Oregon - because knowing the debacle I call my family when we travel, I'm sure we will have some stories to share. If not, have a safe and happy Thanksgiving!!

Edit: What the hell, Broncos? Nicklebutt, THOUGHTS? It was like a date where you are almost sure they'll put out, but change their minds the very last second. Hate to say it, but at least something GOOD happened yesterday in the Colts losing. I don't know why that made me so happy, but it did. Sorry Colts fans!

While poking around the internet yesterday afternoon, I discovered a sexual offender was living NEXT DOOR to my son's daycare. He and his wife moved in a year ago. Our daycare person has lived in that house, and run her daycare, for ten years.

NO ONE had shared this with our in-home daycare provider (who is licensed by the state, follows all state rules, is treated as a 'school'). I just happened upon the information.

The information she found suggests he committed the crime in the late 90's in another county. He's on probation. The person she spoke with at the state level told her because she isn't a school "technically", they didn't think to look for her when this guy was buying a house.

The probation officer's supervisor also told her because he isn't considered a 'sexually violent predator', they didn't have to inform anyone at all. Says he's not bothering anyone, so really, they can't do anything. She's more upset that this could affect her business. If a parent searches for a daycare, finds her, and sees a sex offender living next door ... they might choose another place.

In Greenwood Village, they've voted to only allow a small section of their city for anyone convicted of a sex crime to live in. The probation officer's supervisor said it's only a matter of time before the City of Denver votes this to happen.

So, I'm really kind of pissed off about it all.

ANY CRIME against a child is horrible. I don't give a flying donkey's fuck what it falls under - the minimum bad or the maximum bad. In the end, it is STILL bad. And I'm not all that happy that our system SUCKS SO BAD that the probation officer didn't check to make sure there weren't schools, daycares including an IN-HOME one in the potential area he was moving into.

She's listed. She's legal. In fact, she just received "Smoke Free Zone" signs yesterday in the mail. She has to do everything like a school, why shouldn't she be informed of a sex offender moving in NEXT door??

The only thing she doesn't have is a sign in her yard advertising the business she runs, and that's because she's mostly referred by word of mouth. She's fabulous, and she's going to have head's rolling over this.

And yes. It can be argued that this man is minding his own business, not bothering anyone (that we know of), and hasn't bothered her or the children she takes care of. I don't know how you feel about sex offender's and if they can be helped or not. I know have talked to some in the last 24 hours that believe they can be. I have talked to many who believe they should be shot spot on. It's a topic you feel one way or another about, but I doubt anyone is in the "gray area".

I looked up "sexual assault on a child" in Colorado, and in the stomach twisting definitions, it covers a lot of things, none of which are "well, THAT one isn't THAT bad". They are sick, heinous, horrible and hard to wrap your mind around. You shouldn't ever HAVE TO wrap your mind around those words and attempt to understand. You don't understand those things. Those things are unfathomable.

How do I feel?

I will say this: If anyone ever lays a hand on my baby, I swear on my life - hand to God - that he will be whistling Dixie out of the hole where his pecker used to be.

It's been a while since I've done Love Thursday! Shame on me.

This is a favorite photo of mine ... my younger brother, holding my son, with our dad's picture in the background.

My son ADORES my brother - you'd think he'd hung on the moon. I think, in theory, it's mostly because my brother is still a kid himself. He buys my son the presents he knows he will like the best. When he saw HDToddler was really into the dinosaurs at the museum visit we'd all just made, he turned around and bought my son one. For the longest time, HDT took the dinosaur to bed with him.

I've posted before on my brother. He can drive me right up the wall, but I love him dearly. I'll never not be in his corner.

"If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother." ~Sam Levenson

HDW: What do you want for dinner? Chicken nuggets? Meatballs?

HDToddler: Coffee.


Hmmm ....

Blogger (the dirty bitch) isn't letting me upload any photos to accompany my previous post. So, by request, here's a photo of the nose piercing that has caused a major uproar on my street.

Pretty please see post below (if you haven't already).

(And my new hair color still rocks socks, baby)

For a long while now, I've wanted a nose ring. Well, just a little tiny stud, anyway (or a BIG stud -- woo, baby!).

Finally (well over a month now), I went to this funky little place on Colfax and had it done. It wasn't really all that painful. I compare everything to childbirth, and this was a distant second in the pain department. If I had to pick the worst part (ha, PICK!), it would be the redness. And keeping the swelling from being too outrageous. It's mucho better now, and I love it, really. Very cool in my book.

But, this is not the point of my post.

The point has been the reaction of The Women on my street.

The Women on my street conform to society. The Women tend to drive what they are supposed to drive, join the country club's they are supposed to join, enroll their children in schools that most people can't afford, and take vacations to places most people have never heard of. Some work outside of the home. Some stay home (and kill birds, but that's another story). I have not a problem with any of this - until they stop making independent choices and merely base them on what they believe they 'should' be doing. I have a neighbor who denounces all other music that her husband doesn't like. How boring! I love a lot of music my husband doesn't, and vice versa. (He's got some coughGREATcough Pakistani chant music if anyone is interested ...)

Mostly, I get the impression they worry about this younger broad on the other end of the street.

You know, the one that is at least 15 years younger than everyone on the street. They are constantly on my ass about this being 'my starter marriage' and how they know what it's like to be me. (Hells to the no, with a side of not really!)

I'm the one that could care less if she's in the country club or what kind of car she drives. I stand up to my husband when he's the bully and call him names. I listen to my own music. I'm the one that refuses to put on makeup to go to the grocery store, and the one that chooses to .... (gasp!!) ... pierce her nose.

The conversations since then have been nothing short of entertaining:

BirdKiller: HDW, did you pierce your nose!?!
HDW: I did!
BirdKiller: I, um, just wouldn't have predicted YOU would been the kind to do this.

Ah, yes. "The kind". She must mean the independent thinking kind?

At another party, weeks later:

FemiNazi: You pierced your nose!
HDW: I did!
FemiNazi: Why would you think that looked good?
HDW: Why would you think your haircut looks good? It's all a matter of personal taste.

(meanwhile, her husband's tongue was wagging)

Seriously.

If this entire planet was full of people who did and looked the same, how BORING would that be!! I have a cousin who spent the majority of her early 20's living in a beat-up VW van, living down by a river (insert Matt Foley jokes here) and making macrame purses to sell outside of Bailey, CO. She had dred locks and hippie clothes and smoked a lot of weed. My Bapist family was in an uproar! How could she DO this? I was so proud of her. She knew early on who she was and she embraced this. How many of us can really say the same?

It's true. I don't believe a person on this street really and truly knows who they are. They haven't dug deep and found any substance. I know this. I have tried to have in-depth conversations with them. It's just not possible.

So - I'm 'the kind' to have a nose stud. It hasn't changed the fact that I still say "please" and "thank you". I'm still who I am, just with a little added decoration. My husband thinks it's sexy. My friends (who have noticed, actually) think it's fantastic.

I wish I would have known this about myself early on. I wish I would have cared less what people thought, and really just done my own thing. Better late than never, I suspect.

Because you care.

Or not.

1. I told my son, HDToddler, "NO!" about 4,000 times. He is testing me and my rules and it's only getting worse, it seems. Drinking heavily, party of one. (I kid! Or do I ...)

2. We had a friend over for dinner, and we watched "Bottle Rocket" - an indie movie featuring Owen and Luke Wilson. Wasn't the best, wasn't the worst. My favorite line being, "Damn! He just stole his own car!".

3. The Broncos beat the Raiders. I HATE THE RAIDERS. I honestly didn't believe we would beat them the way we started out in the game. I fell asleep through the second quarter and woke up sometime during the third. Suck that, Raiders!!

4. A guy plowed through an intersection downtown on Friday night, killing a mom and her two children. They legally had the right of way. The pick-up didn't stop. Someone said the little girl (4) had on her ballerina outfit and the little boy (2) had on a Superman cape. The dad lived. And I cannot imagine the hell that man will endure the rest of his life. The assholes took off in the pickup, didn't even brake, and left a license plate at the scene. They were arrested late last night. I hope they fry.

5. It snowed here some today. Nothing accumulated, but it was beautiful to wake up to. Ooh, and I also finished my book "The Historian". A novel about Dracula. Something out of the ordinary and not something I would have picked, but sounded interesting. Next up, "Case Histories".

6. Made the executive decision (don't know if that's me or my husband who would take credit) that we are not hosting a work-related party at our house in December. I got sick of jumping through stupid hoops, and honoring the "you can't call it a party, but TEAM BUILDING EVENT" shit. So, we're hosting a fucking rockin' party here in December for our friends.

7. I watched VHI's show (that I can't think of right now - damn, the title escapes me) featuring the videos from 1992. I proceeded to dance around the upstairs loft like an idiot for about an hour. I was projected back to high school, listening to "Black and White" by Michael Jackson and remembering how good he still was (even though you could argue he wasn't really 'as good' as he was in the 80's?), and how crazy it is to think of him now as the sicko he's become.

But -- my favorite song featured was the hit by Sophie B Hawkins, and for these lyrics alone:

"If I was your girl believe me
I'd turn on the Rolling Stones
We could groove along and feel much better
Let me in
I could do it forever and ever, ever n' ever
Give me an hour to kiss you
Walk through heaven's door I'm sure
We don't need no doctor to feel much better
Let me in
Forever and ever and ever and ever
I sat on the mountainside with peace of mind
I lay by the ocean making love to her with visions clear
Walked for days with no one near
And I return as chained and bound to you
Damn, I wish I was your lover ...."

I was pretty sure in 1992 that was the hottest song I'd ever heard.

Song In My Head: "Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover" by Sophie B Hawkins

Day before yesterday, my son and I were in our guest bedroom, folding clothes. He was snuggled in, watching cartoons, and I was doing my best at sorting clothes. I needed a trash bag, so I walked exactly ten steps to the closet in the hall to get one.

I was just reaching for the handle of the closet, when I heard a horrible noise. And what was it?? I turned around and my son is buried underneath a television and a dresser. I picked up the (heavy) TV and hurled it across the room (seriously), moved the dresser, and picked up my baby.

He's fine.

I deducted that he probably pulled out the bottom drawer of the dresser to climb up to get the remote on the top of the television, and everything came crashing down.

I'm not fine. I threw my back out and feel like complete crap.

And really, since about 48 hours ago, everything has been shitty. The house is falling apart. My body is aching. My car is making funny noises.

I'm grumpy.

Yesterday, I got into an altercation on Colfax with an old man driving. I've parked on the side of the street, at a meter. I walk around the back of my car to get in the driver's side. I'm walking RIGHT NEXT TO my car. I'm practically humping my car I'm so close to it, right?

Grandpa Graybush freaks the fuck out, must be thinking I'm going to cross the street in front of him (huh?) so he lays on the horn as he goes by. It's all I can think of. Some homeless guy sitting by the building I just came out of yells, "HEY! GUESS YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO GET IN YOUR CAR! HAHAHAHA!". No shit.

Grandpa Graybush needs to rethink his ability to drive. Considering they were all stopping at a red light anyway!! I flipped him off later, because, well, I'm grumpy and I can.

My son woke up today in a fine mood, crying and yelling, "NOOOOOO!!" at everything.

"Do you want your milk?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Do you want cartoons?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

It's only 9:15 a.m. My husband called and asked me what was on the 'agenda' for today.

My answer?

SURVIVAL.

Back in my past life (before I mumbled to myself and wore makeup and had adult conversations more than once a week), I worked for a hospital and did outpatient coding, outpatient surgery scheduling and the pre-authorizations for said surgeries. I didn't mind the job, really. I was pretty good at it - but the major frustration was ALWAYS dealing with the insurance companies. I absolutely hated them. I had nicknames for most of the companies and still use them in present conversation.

I get how frustrating they are to deal with, and I get how hard it is sometimes to schedule those procedures. You either get shafted by the insurance company or the hospital, or the surgeon changing it at the last minute. You are merely the messenger.

My son is having an outpatient procedure done.

First, we were scheduled for 11/15. Fine.

Then, a phone call a few days later saying that the insurance company considered FirstHospital out of network, so they'd have to move us to a different hospital, SecondHospital.

Second date given was 12/27. Fine.

A phone call yesterday from another woman at the doctor's office saying that now our insurance company had just issued a new statement saying FirstHospital would be in network after all, and would we be willing to move up our date? Yes, fine. Let's just get this over with!

Third date given - back to 11/15.

Yesterday, I am again scrambling. And why? Because I need to have my son visit the regular pedicatrician for a check-up visit. And it has to be a week before the procedure. I beg and plead my way into the doctor's office for a check-up. I make the appointment.

I make another appointment to meet with the patient representative at the first doctor's office this morning to go over pre-surgery information. I'm going to have to pony up some bucks for the balance. She only has a small window of time, so we'll have to race down the street to meet with her and make this happen.

Also, my husband (a surgeon) has had to move his cases around at least three times for 11/15. he usually starts early in the day, has plenty to do, and gets home late. To be there for HDToddler's procedure, he was moving the start time back so it wouldn't interefere. This is what pisses me off the most. Those patients are getting tossed around, and it's chapping my ass.

As we're getting ready to leave to the pre-surgery meeting this morning, she calls and says that it has been moved back to 12/27. The insurance company said our policy is seperate, and we're still not covered at FirstHospital. Don't you think you should have DOUBLE CHECKED that shit before you reschedule everything?? Good Lord! You are KILLING ME, Smalls!!

I about lost my shit.

As it stands now, we're going in on 12/27 at SecondHospital. And I'm hoping it doesn't change again!!

Song In My Head: Insurance Companies Blow by HDW and the Fuckoffanddiealready's

A few things from the weekend:

1. HDHusband made a great dinner on Saturday night. Scallops with a mango salsa. Really good!

2. We have playdoh for HDToddler to play with. Instead of asking us to make the usual "ball" or "snake", he's now asking for such things as: "sharks", "Dora and Boots", and my particular favorite, "castle". Always good to aim high, I guess.

3. Fyrchk sent me this link right here reporting that someone else had fallen off a cruise ship. More importantly, another person falling over on the cruise line we were on together back in May. I realize it's common sense not to stand on the balcony railing. It's not like we hit a big 'ocean bump' and you just fell over. That dying thing takes some effort. I'm all about going to the Bahamas again, but I'm going to vote for going to a resort the next time.

4. HDH and I watched a neat movie over the weekend - "Things You Can Tell By Just Looking At Her". If you're into those sorts of movies, you'll like this one.

5. I'm pissed off at the 'service industry'. Am very tired of waiting around for dry wall contractors to call, come by, and send bids. So far, we've been promised bids by last Thursday and Friday. It's Monday now. I'm sure there are SOME PEOPLE out there who want work, right? Geez. And, I'm sick of all things related to the television. If I hear "hi-def", "receiver", "satellite dish", "Direct TV", or "not working" again, I will scream things like, "Hi-def receiver broken in back yard with satellite firmly planted up Direct TV's butt and apparently THIS is why it's NOT working". So there.

6. I'm also putting together the "Holiday Party That Cannot Be Called a Holiday Party" for my husband's office. We volunteered to host it at our house this December. You'd think that shit wouldn't be hard to do, you know? Pick out some food. Arrange a time. Boom, you're done. Instead, we have all these ridiculous rules to follow. One being, we aren't allowed to refer to it as a "party", and certainly not a "Christmas or Holiday party". So, we have to 'refer' to it as a "team building meeting". Jesus Christ. Like a bunch of surgeons and medical professionals need a "team building meeting".

7. I had a dream last night that was SO VERY real. I had to wake up and remind myself that it was in fact a dream. Everything was to the letter real in my dream, and when I woke up, I couldn't associate what was or wasn't the dream or reality. I hate those dreams. Messes me up for a while after, and then I have to have 'deep thoughts' about why I had that dream anyway.

8. I have no idea what stinks in my fridge. I just cleaned it out three days ago, but every time I open it up it's like a stink bomb went off by my nose.

9. I'm pissed at my in-law's. They were supposed to come this last weekend, but bailed the night before and cancelled their flight. My mother-in-law has these 'spells' (translation: I'm out of percocet and I'm a hypochondriac). Apparently, she had 'something wrong' and thought she'd be contagious for my son. Fine. Whatever. Then, that same night, they are over at my sister-in-law's watching their daughter. Say what??? So, you are 'so sick' you don't want to get my kid sick in Colorado, so you cancel your flight - but then you can watch her kid and get her sick? Ugh.

10. That's all! It's certainly a Monday. I'm going to have some more coffee and make more phone calls that won't be returned, turn up my music really loud and give the world a middle finger today. Grrrr.

Song In My Head: Not Your Year by The Weepies

Alright, GET OUT AND VOTE!

No excuses!!

It's an important thing to do. Lots of important issues out there now, especially in Colorado.


"The single most impressive fact about the attempt by American women to obtain the right to vote is how long it took."

~ Alice Rossi


The Song In My Head: Everything is Everything - Lauryn Hill

Ten Weird Things About Me:

(Tagged by Kath for being one of the first five to read her blog ... I could swear I was seventh, though ... ha!)

1. When I get a magazine in the mail, I like to be the first to read it. I can tell if HDH has thumbed through it already and it chaps me off. I don't know why.

2. I know the lyrics to "I've Been Everywhere" by Lynn Anderson. I haven't practiced in awhile, so I might be a little rusty. Huh. I said rusty! (He was a shitbag ex-boyfriend, by the way.. Ooh, and I also tend to nickname people. Crusty Rusty, Stinky Paul Ball Sac, you get the idea)

3. I can bend my thumbs back and make a "W" with my tongue. That doesn't come in as handy as it should.

4. I used to believe if I chewed food on the right side of my mouth, only the right side of my body would grow.

5. I have an unnatural fear of tornadoes. There could be one four counties away, and I'm still in the basement. I've been in/through those, and they are devil bastards.

6. I haven't spoken to my mom in about two years and it's been the best two years of my life. We call her the Emotional Vampire. I also call her Captain Bringdown. She might as well answer to both. (really, the stories on her are endless)

7. They whacked off my uvula during my tonsilectomy in 1995. (And no, not vulva!)

8. coughI'veneverwatchedGrey'sAnatomycough (mostly because of no effin' time, DVR or not)

9. When I was 3, I fell on a cinder block and broke my nose. And then I fell on a cinder block and broke my head open. Twice. Soooo ... I really have issues with cinder blocks, apparently.

(This is where I stop I go into the kitchen for help, and this is the help I get!)

10. When I asked my husband for the 'last weirdest thing' about me in his eyes, he looked at me and said, "Well, that BEAK you have for a nose ...." - and then laughed his ass off.

I rest my case.

Bonus:

11. I didn't give myself the name HotDoctorWife. That credit is owed to Fyrchk.

I'm completely flattered.

Chatty awarded me with a Perfect Post Award for my post on the love you can find in small towns.

Thanks, Chatty!