HDToddler: (crying) I hurted my toe, mommy!

ME: Oh, honey, I'm sorry!! What can I do to make it better?

HDTOddler: (thinking) Chockits.

Chocolate fixes everything, I guess.

Or it was all just an evil ploy ......... hmm!

Labels: HDToddler-isms

We're now officially in the swing of school functions for The Bug. We went to a fundraiser for The School on Saturday night. HDHusband was about an hour late due to a case he was doing at the hospital, so I went to mingle, meet parents, feel completely and totally awkward. As I told HDH, next year when we aren't 'new' anymore, I'm going to make sure I find those that are and start the introductions.

Once HDH showed up, we bid on 'the wagons' - each filled to the top with some pretty cool stuff. We bid on two, didn't hear if we'd won one way or the other, came home. We ended up winning BOTH.

The first one was the "surpise wagon" which pretty much means (after dissecting it all yesterday afternoon) that it's a bunch of crap people had at their house and didn't want anymore. (olive flavored GIN, anyone?)

Now, thhe second wagon I went to pick up today would be completely up my alley. It's all COFFEE. HELL YES!! I love my coffee. New coffee press, new kinds of coffee, coffee gift cards, coffee mugs, you name it and it's in that wagon. I'll expect you all at my house in the morning for a sampling.

(Oh, and anyone need a red wagon? I'm using one to put some flower pots in ....)

Before I forget, here's my story about my how my angels were certainly looking out for me yesterday:

I went to the store yesterday, leaving behind HDHusband and HDToddler (almost took HDT, thank GOD I didn't). And as I coming home, driving down the street, listening to KBCO on a brilliant Sunday morning and approaching MY green light, I see this woman in red Jetta. She is in the turn lane facing me, attempting to turn left DIRECTLY in front of me.

I think to myself, "She's not really going to GO, is she?" and hell, if that yip-yaw didn't answer the question for me.

She gunned it just as I was approaching MY GREEN LIGHT. Jesus, no sign of, "Might turn yellow" or anything. It was my right-of-way, and her yield. No other cars behind me. She had time to WAIT. She decided we'd race, I guess.

I hit my brakes hard (shit went flying in my car) and skidded into the other lane ... which wasn't good, because I could have easily hit someone had they been next to me.

When I looked out my window, our bumpers were inches apart. Had I not been on the dime, she would have t-boned me and this blog would have been awfully quiet for a while!!

I laid on the horn, flipped her off, and called a few things. I drove off shaking. And what was she doing, when she about collided with me? TALKING ON HER CELL PHONE.

What the fuck???

And really, where did she have to be that was THAT important?

Conversely, had I had my son in the car at the time (which I didn't, thank you GOD) and had we still had this better ending, I would have followed her until she pulled over, pointed out this little person I had and told her how stupid it was that she was driving like a damned idiot.

My life, and more importantly, my CHILD'S life are leagues more important than that phone call, and CERTAINLY are more important than that Mario Andretti manuever she pulled in the intersection.

I hope she hung up and decided not to be the badass anymore.

Labels: coffee, hang up and drive already, red wagon, The School

Kind of looks a wee bit like a tilted uterus.

Regardless, had a great time and am really and truly happy to be home.

Labels: city of lost wages, recap with photos

"We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don't think it was, and I would advise you not to wait ten years before admitting today was great. If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time. "

~Art Buchwald

I, for one, think this is an incredibly kick ass quote and entirely too true. It's so easy to get caught up in the little things, the superficial crap going on day to day, and miss out completely on all the special moments that make up our day. And then .. .years from now, we wonder where time went and miss what we had. So backwards, so silly.

Tonight, my son flipped a blanket around, catching a semi-full glass of red wine and knocking it over. It shattered into a bunch of little pieces, and splayed red wine all over our area carpet rug - the one we'd just had cleaned. Does it matter in the big picture of life? Not really. I cleaned up the shards of glass, sopped up the red wine, explained what an "accident" was to my three-year-old, and moved on with our night.

I'm quite sure my girlfriend's mother wasn't lying on her death bed last week wishing that she'd stewed more over the little issues in life: what kind of car she had or hadn't, what she did or didn't have, what group of friends she was in or out with. She likely didn't brood over relationships that hadn't worked out.

In her obituary, it mentioned how much she loved her grandchildren, how watching them splash in the pool and ride tricycles in her driveway made her the happiest. She had three weeks to live and treasured every day. We ought to be doing the same, and not all of us do. What would you do, knowing you had only three weeks to live? And really, why aren't we doing those things now?

I need reminded now and then about living in the moment. I get caught up trying to get from Point A to Point M and missing all of the sweet things happening in the middle. I'm learning to live in the Now. It's not such a bad place to be.

Happy Weekend. Enjoy it -really!!

Labels: great quote, life is too short, the big picture

1. Apart from the many fears people have in life (losing loved ones,heights etc.) do you have any fears that you think are a bit odd that you can share?

This is a hard question, as I'm not really fearful of much (other than really deep stuff like losing a child, stuff like that). I will, however, haul my ass into the basement if a tornado is mentioned anywhere in the tri-state area. When the tornado whistle/warning goes off, I damn near pee myself. I hate those things. And with good reason, too. I've been in a few, and my high school friend's house was wiped out by one. Fucking nature creatures of the DEVIL!! Oh, and I'm a bit afraid of my husband's ex girlfriend. She's not right in the noggin.

BIG FAT EDITOR'S NOTE: Oh, and we're in a Tornado Warning RIGHT FUCKING NOW for another fifteen minutes. Hello, basement!!!

2. Apart from the mediocre sex that you may encounter (exhibit A, click here), have you ever gone into the $5 video booth at the porn store next to The Bluebird? If no, are you a bit curious? Why? If yes, who did you go with and why wasn't I invited?

Wait, whoooooooooooa ... you mean to tell me there's a $5 video booth next to The Bluebird and I haven't GONE??? What the fuck?? Where have I been? Living in a cave? And being a good FRIEND, you would think you would have shared this knowledge with me already.

Of course I'm curious, woman! I'll put that on my list of 'Things To Do In Denver'. I'll need a wingwoman, so plan on going with me. After a lot of drinks, of course, just not chocolate martini's.


3. You know that I'm not a fan of liars but I realize that dishonesty happens in everyone's life to a certain extent.. What was the worst lie you ever told as a kid? If you have never lied, then what was the worst lie anyone ever told you? Why?

Of course I lied as a kid. I remember telling my mom I didn't use her jewelry, but somehow managed to wear something of hers during school pictures and she found out that way. How stupid is that? Very! (but it really did make the outfit ...)

And although I wouldn't say it's the worst lie anyone has told ME, I had one ex-boyfriend that did his fair share of whoring around. He would use his cell phone as his 'main contact number' for me and his friends/family, but kept his home phone number connected, no phone, just the Caller ID under his bed to track the calls. Lotsa girls, including his WIFE, would call ... I got out shortly thereafter.

4. What is the best gift you have ever received? I'm not looking for an answer like "my wonderful husband Bob" or "my adoring two headed child Chuck". I'm looking for something you got to open or was a surprise(you know, birthdays, graduations etc.). Why is it your favorite?

Well, my two-headed child, Chuck, is a blessing, thankyouverymuch. But - if I had to pick something else ... it would be a toss-up between the pearl ring my dad and mom gave me for my high school graduation and the earrings/necklace my husband had made for me after having our son. It has the birthstones of all of us included. Buying said gift prompted my husband to say, "Next time, let's have a kid in a month where the birth stone isn't so fucking expensive". Still, beautiful and I wear it often.

Woo-whee, that was fun, Shmeder! Thanks for sending them along. I'd offer to come up with some questions for the rest of you, but I'm pretty much sure they'll suck in comparison to the ones I got and the ones I've already read.

Labels: meme, shmeder kicks ass and kickballs

I had a Love Thursday planned today, had it all written out in my head, and then I got a phone call yesterday morning that changed my path for the post today.

When I was in the Fourth Grade, a new family moved to town. They had come from Nebraska. I remember they had a dog named Husker. They had a daughter that would be in our class. She was really shy, but an incredible athlete and an even better than incredible artist. We became fast friends.

Yesterday, her sister-in-law called to tell me Julie's mom had died this week. She had to leave it on my voice mail. I checked the messages as we were getting ready to board the airplane from Vegas yesterday.

Apparently, her mom had gone in to the ER three weeks ago with a nasty sideache. Turned out the ache was cancer, and the tumor had affected her colon, ovaries, liver. Within a week, the tumor spread to her lungs and brain. She was only 56.

My love today is being sent to Nebraska, to a little town I haven't heard of, where at this exact moment, my childhood friend is burying her mother.

I hate that I cannot be there with her now. When my dad died, she hitched a ride with a guy from our class that she hated more than life itself to get to the funeral. When I sit down to write her a card later today, I hope she'll know how hard it was for me that I couldn't be there with her. It's killing me.

I have no pictures to post; I can't find one suitable. I have a friend right now crying, and it breaks my heart I can't be there to hold her up.

This will be the passage I include her card today. It was read at my father's funeral, and I think it's incredibly prolific:

"I am standing by the seashore.
A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze
and starts for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and strength,
and I stand and watch
until at last she hangs like a peck of white cloud
just where the sun and sky come down to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says, 'There she goes!
Gone where? Gone from my sight - that is all.

She is just as large in mast and hull and spar
as she was when she left my side
and just as able to bear her load of living freight
to the places of destination.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at the moment when someone at my side says,
'There she goes!
there are other eyes watching her coming,
and other voices ready to take up the glad shout :
'Here she comes!' "

~ Henry Van Dyke
1852-1933

I love you, Jules.

Labels: love thursday, passage of immortality

And here we are, waiting to land in Vegas (I'm on the left):













I've been to Vegas a few times since. Once to celebrate my aunt's 50th birthday, and her daughter and boyfriend decided to get married while we were there.

Myself, my aunt, my still very hip grandmother:



I'm sure we're going to have a great time this go round. Will be back next week .. have a great weekend, everyone!

Labels: city of lost wages, family

"We've been in and out of love and in between
And now we've played the final showdown scene
As the credits roll the sad song starts to play
this is where the cowboy rides away
And my heart is sinking like the setting sun
setting on the things I wish I'd done
Oh the last goodbye's the hardest one to say
this is where the cowboy rides away ..."

~ George Strait

Labels: grandy don, love thursday, they don't make cowboys like that anymore

We are back from DC!

The last night there, we headed to Blues Alley to see James Cotton perform. We were right up front, so close to the action, blown away by the music, the band, everything about the night. Getting up at oh-dark-thirty to catch the morning flight home, of course, was another story. I hate coming back from east coast time ...

The Bug was happy to see us. And promptly, he pulled out a drawer, climbed up on the counter and sprayed something he shouldn't have into his eye. On my way over to save him, I stumbled and fell knee first into the corner of said drawer. After getting his eye rinsed out, I looked down and saw the bruised up, bloody mess of my knee. Good times, good times.

I started back with The Trainer yesterday, and I was in rough shape ... blisters on my feet and a jacked up right knee. He took it easy on me, then said, "You'll have to step it up next time!" and, appropriately, ducked.

And of course, my week wouldn't be my week without a repairman showing up for the third time to fix the same problem. This time, it's related to the microwave.

Also, I've given HDHusband a password to Blogger now. He will be posting comments and in all likelihood, I will regret having done so.

Labels: DC, HDToddler, home, music, trainer

Thoughts and prayers going out to everyone affected by the Virginia Tech shootings ...

Labels: another senseless school shooting

Still in DC.

My husband is pissed off that I didn't expound more upon the evening in question in my earlier post. When I was typing out that post, my stomach was still turning and my head was still spinning. So writing about how I was puking and dying really wasn't gonna be fun to recall. Dummy. I told him he could have the forum at a later date if he so chose. We shall see.

Thursday evening, Fyrchk went with us to dinner at a tapas-style place. Good food, place was totally loud, so we heard ... um, nothing. The other party with us said we weren't too far from the hotel, 'we' meaning 'they' decided to walk back. Apparently, not a great place to be walking at night, Fyrchk got tons of blisters on her feet, and it took almost 45 minutes to get back. That's not a short walk, and that shit won't happen again.

Friday ... Fyrchk stayed at her house because her feet had fallen off the night before. I met a friend (who is attending the meeting as well) up at the street, walked to the Library of Congress, down the mall, cabbed it to Georgetown, had lunch at a great place there. I also went to use the restroom, and a woman was coming out. She was wearing a nice business suit kind of thing. I look in, and there is pee all over the seat, a puddle on the floor, and what made it into the bowl hadn't been flushed. I yelled some choice words at her as she scurried away. FLUSH DAMMIT!! CLEAN UP YOUR OWN PISS!!! Honestly.

Then, we headed to the Vietnam Memorial, the World War 2 Memorial and the Lincoln Memorial. And by now, my legs are falling off and my feet are hurting. Upon returning to the hotel, I take off my shoes to find out my socks now have holes in them. And where the holes are now are blisters. Blisters suck.

HDH and I went to dinner together last night at a great Italian place, stuffed ourselves silly, came home, he went to bed and I watched a movie on television. You know, livin' large and all.

And this morning, we are about to head back out and check out one or more of the Smithsonians. Before the wind and rain hit, too. Tonight, a concert I shall post about later ....

Labels: DC, vacation

I am in DC.

Highlights thus far:

1. The night before, HDHusband tells me he has a toothache and might not make the trip to DC after all. Wakes up in the morning and all is well, thanks to antibiotics and pain meds.

2. Flight is relatively uneventful, except for someone in the row ahead of us who is letting out the spicy burps. GOD AWFUL. But, I got to read my Rolling Stone magazine and listen to my MP3 player - all big things, when you aren't traveling with a toddler in tow.

3. Arrive at hotel, make reservations and head out to Restaurant Nora's. Had a fantastic dinner (all organic, really good stuff) and cabbed it back to hotel.

4. Decide to have nightcap at the hotel bar with HDH. Creepy Dude sidles up, drunk, buys us another round and gives me a toast "in Swedish". What the fuck did he say? Something about "flowers, roses and fucking", he says. Tells me his name is "Derek, you know, like Bo". And then asked if I wanted to hear the toast in Finnish. Nope, no thanks.

5. Come back up to the room, and it's a baaaaaaaaaaaaad thing. I'm wasted, apparently. Of course, my husband's version of the story is much better. And maybe when I'm nice, I'll let him tell it on said blog. To summarize (in his words): "you were driving the porcelain bus". Yuck. HATE THAT. I also came up with a few 'rules' that shall only be repeated in private to friends. GOOD LORD. Never agin. Ever.

6. This morning, hungover. Bad.

Ordered in, got ready, met up with FYRCHK. YAAAAAAY!!! Mama!!

7. Went into Virginia, had lunch with IFyrchk, HDH and IrishFyrGirl, saw Fyr's cute apartment, met her dad and ADORALBE dog, and saw the battlefield .... which made my husband extremely giddy. Oh, and my husband also recounted to Fyrchk and IrishFyrGirl the debauchery that was last night, and Fyrchk laughed so hard she cried.

8. Came back to hotel with Frychk, and we will be going to dinner shortly with a group o' folks. I feel much less like death and ready to have a good time again.

I hate hangovers.

Chocolate martini's are the devil.

Labels: chocolate martini's are the devill, DC, fyrchk, vacation

Hey Dipshit Anonymous Poster:

Labels: anonymous posters lick dog shit

Oh fuckmesideways, I had the funniest conversation with my husband tonight. We are coming back from dinner, I am a wee bit schnockered on margaritas, and he's sober. Even funnier, really.

We were discussing my new trainer at the health club, and then (somehow, God only KNOWS how) began discussing my husband seeing a certain (male) neighbor at the health club, sans clothes, in the locker room.

HotDoctorHusband: And you know, that's not a good naked.

HotDoctorWife: It doesn't really matter. I've been with a lot of guys that weren't 'good naked' - it's not that important in bed.

HDH: Jesus Christ, what do you MEAN it's not important?

HDW: I've been with ONE GUY who had a rock hard ass.....

HDH: ..................... WELL, THANK YOU!!

(commence HDW laughing hysterically)

HDW: It wasn't YOU!!! (still laughing)

HDH: BULLSHIT!! Underneath this buttah is ALL granite, babeeeeeeeeee!

HDW: (insert - no pun intended - long drawn out story about football player from college who I did nasty with coughtwicecough who had sculptured fucking Adonis ass, and ohmygod - I remember nothing but chisled ass, nothing about sex, but continue ...)

HDH: Well Jesus, man, now I feel inadequate.

HDW: What is the big deal?? The best sex I ever had wasn't even WITH The Great Butt Guy.

HDH: Well, that doesn't make ME feel any better.

HDW: What do you mean??

HDH: Well, I don't PRESUME to be the best sex you've ever had!

HDW: Oh my GOD!! (laughing more)

HDH: You gotta understand! I'm a sexual underachiever. I'm the slacker in the sack. I'm trying to be just GOOD ENOUGH sex.

Labels: hdh-isms

Good Friday means a lot of things, to me.

It starts and ends with my dad, fourteen years ago. I learned the true meaning of love, faith, support on this day. And only fourteen years later, does the real gravity of what you did really hit home to me. Especially now, as a parent myself.

So, thank you, Dad.

Thanks for offering me a hand back up again.

Love you.

Labels: daddy, good friday

"Why are there so many songs about rainbows
and what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
and rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it.
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me ..."

Labels: home, love thursday, rainbows

HDHusband and I went to a friend's 60th birthday party on Saturday night. I have realized if I don't take my own picture, there will never be documented proof of how I looked from 2001 on. Therefore, a photo of me taken by me before we left for said party:





Also at the party were most of my neighbor's, and for those of you just catching up, they are usually quite bitchy and raggy. I've not seen much of them lately, primarily because I've changed my phone number and only exit my garage under the cover of darkness.

After a few glasses of wine, the following conversations occurred:

FemiNazi: Hey, I think I offended you the last time when I said I couldn't believe you had a nose ring.
Me: You did. You offend me most time you say anything, actually.

At one point, the BirdKiller (she slaughtered a bunch of birds in her back yard last spring because they weren't 'the right kind' in her feeder, I'm too lazy to link) told me she and FemiNazi had gone out for drinks at a local bar and "Gosh, we should have invited you!". They do this every time. Honestly, I'd rather have a full on root canal and listen to my husband's ridiculous Pakistani chant music than sign up for drinks with two bitchy women. No thanks.

A highlight at the party, of course, was the surprise stripper the birthday's gal's daughter had ordered. If you ever want to watch a room full of men clear in less than five seconds flat, have a man walk in the room willing to get naked for the ladies. Works like a charm.

Regarding my new work-out routine (and it doesn't involve this stipper either):

I've met with The Trainer twice. I look forward to going, because he's really a cool guy, he knows what he's doing, and the hour just flies by. On the downside, of course, I walk out with my legs shaking and a funny feeling that I won't be able to sit to pee for a while after. All of this is good - painful, but good.

Yesterday, I found myself doing lunges around the track at the gym with strength shoes on. Care to know what strength shoes are? Well, let me inform you:

Of course, mine looked a little bit different than those bad boys. Mine strapped on to the shoes I already had on. I did lunges, kicked ass, took some names later, and then passed out. You know, cause that's how I do things.

The Trainer also told me a bit about a movie he was in once with this actor, and how he used black shoe polish on his head to cover up the places he was going bald.

And last but not least:

I had a kick ass bumper sticker in the mail from Fyrchk yesterday. It read: If you are going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair. It's my new motto.

Labels: fyrchk, neighbors, party, trainer, updates