Updates and All That
Also at the party were most of my neighbor's, and for those of you just catching up, they are usually quite bitchy and raggy. I've not seen much of them lately, primarily because I've changed my phone number and only exit my garage under the cover of darkness.
After a few glasses of wine, the following conversations occurred:
FemiNazi: Hey, I think I offended you the last time when I said I couldn't believe you had a nose ring.
Me: You did. You offend me most time you say anything, actually.
At one point, the BirdKiller (she slaughtered a bunch of birds in her back yard last spring because they weren't 'the right kind' in her feeder, I'm too lazy to link) told me she and FemiNazi had gone out for drinks at a local bar and "Gosh, we should have invited you!". They do this every time. Honestly, I'd rather have a full on root canal and listen to my husband's ridiculous Pakistani chant music than sign up for drinks with two bitchy women. No thanks.
A highlight at the party, of course, was the surprise stripper the birthday's gal's daughter had ordered. If you ever want to watch a room full of men clear in less than five seconds flat, have a man walk in the room willing to get naked for the ladies. Works like a charm.
Regarding my new work-out routine (and it doesn't involve this stipper either):
I've met with The Trainer twice. I look forward to going, because he's really a cool guy, he knows what he's doing, and the hour just flies by. On the downside, of course, I walk out with my legs shaking and a funny feeling that I won't be able to sit to pee for a while after. All of this is good - painful, but good.
Yesterday, I found myself doing lunges around the track at the gym with strength shoes on. Care to know what strength shoes are? Well, let me inform you:
Of course, mine looked a little bit different than those bad boys. Mine strapped on to the shoes I already had on. I did lunges, kicked ass, took some names later, and then passed out. You know, cause that's how I do things.
The Trainer also told me a bit about a movie he was in once with this actor, and how he used black shoe polish on his head to cover up the places he was going bald.
And last but not least:
I had a kick ass bumper sticker in the mail from Fyrchk yesterday. It read: If you are going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair. It's my new motto.
