I was a can-can girl once upon a blue moon ... and with the help of my new scanner, I give you documented proof.
(for those unfamiliar with me, I'm the one on the left ... circa 1993?)
Monday, January 30, 2006
Can-Can
I was a can-can girl once upon a blue moon ... and with the help of my new scanner, I give you documented proof.
(for those unfamiliar with me, I'm the one on the left ... circa 1993?)
Receipt Issues
HDH and I hosted a work-related get-together last night. We ordered in from a local Chinese place. There were, roughly, 40 people here last night - so A LOT of Chinese food was consumed.
Email from HDH this morning (verbatim):
From : HDH
Sent: 8:00 a.m.
To : HDW
Subject : receipt
GH,
I think the receipt for the chinese place might be in the trash can. Could you retrieve it for me?
Sensi
My response:
From: HDW
Sent: 8:01 a.m.
To: HDH
Subject: re: receipt
I will kick you in the balls.
Now, I didn't look in the big, stinky trash can. I didn't rifle through 8 bags of discarded chinese take-out. I just didn't care. I got my car washed, bought new lipstick and cleaned the kitchen.
Tonight, after HDH came home ... said, "Oh, look. Here it is". IT WAS ON HIS DAMN DESK THE ENTIRE TIME.
I will STILL kick him in the balls.
Batter up, bitches!
Email from HDH this morning (verbatim):
From : HDH
Sent: 8:00 a.m.
To : HDW
Subject : receipt
GH,
I think the receipt for the chinese place might be in the trash can. Could you retrieve it for me?
Sensi
My response:
From: HDW
Sent: 8:01 a.m.
To: HDH
Subject: re: receipt
I will kick you in the balls.
Now, I didn't look in the big, stinky trash can. I didn't rifle through 8 bags of discarded chinese take-out. I just didn't care. I got my car washed, bought new lipstick and cleaned the kitchen.
Tonight, after HDH came home ... said, "Oh, look. Here it is". IT WAS ON HIS DAMN DESK THE ENTIRE TIME.
I will STILL kick him in the balls.
Batter up, bitches!
Four!!
I was tagged by the coolest new resident to move into our great state, Kath:
Four jobs I've had
1. played piano for Can-Can shows in a teddy and fishnet hose (danced some, not well)
2. nanny
3. residency coordinator for a surgery dept. at a local hospital
4. armchair nurse and momma
Four movies I can watch over and over
1. Goonies
2. Terms of Endearment
3. Sideways
4. Chasing Amy
Four places I've lived
1. eastern plains of Colorado
2. mid-west Kansas (college)
3. stinky cow town on the Front Range
4. Denver
Four TV shows I love
1. Desperate Housewives
2. Deadwood
3. Scrubs
4. Ellen
Four places I've vacationed
1. Hawaii
2. Florida
3. California
4. Oregon
Four of my favorite dishes
1. HDH's risotto anything
2. HDH's salads
3. Meatloaf
4. Steak and potatoes
Four sites I visit daily
1. Fyrchk
2. Frank the Amazing Hack
3. Kath
4. Local Weather
(among about a hundred other blogs!!)
Four places I would rather be right now
1. Oregon coast
2. at my favorite local bookstore, reading and drinking coffee
3. napping
4. ah heck ... right here is pretty darn good!
Four bloggers people I am tagging
None that will ... so you guys have at it if interested!!
Four jobs I've had
1. played piano for Can-Can shows in a teddy and fishnet hose (danced some, not well)
2. nanny
3. residency coordinator for a surgery dept. at a local hospital
4. armchair nurse and momma
Four movies I can watch over and over
1. Goonies
2. Terms of Endearment
3. Sideways
4. Chasing Amy
Four places I've lived
1. eastern plains of Colorado
2. mid-west Kansas (college)
3. stinky cow town on the Front Range
4. Denver
Four TV shows I love
1. Desperate Housewives
2. Deadwood
3. Scrubs
4. Ellen
Four places I've vacationed
1. Hawaii
2. Florida
3. California
4. Oregon
Four of my favorite dishes
1. HDH's risotto anything
2. HDH's salads
3. Meatloaf
4. Steak and potatoes
Four sites I visit daily
1. Fyrchk
2. Frank the Amazing Hack
3. Kath
4. Local Weather
(among about a hundred other blogs!!)
Four places I would rather be right now
1. Oregon coast
2. at my favorite local bookstore, reading and drinking coffee
3. napping
4. ah heck ... right here is pretty darn good!
Four bloggers people I am tagging
None that will ... so you guys have at it if interested!!
You know you wanna know ....
Tagged by the lovely and talented Mrs. Moody:
3 Names You Answer to:
GH
Lil'Vandal
Lil'Bethany
3 Parts of Your Heritage:
English
Danish
German
3 Things That Scare You:
Snakes (seriously)
Tornadoes (once wiped out my girlfriend's house and planted their van in a sprinkler miles away)
Math
3 Everyday Essentials:
Coffee or Non-Fat Chai from Starbucks
Perfume (I'm a perfume WHORE)
Snuggle time with The Bug
3 Things You’re Wearing:
Yoga Pants
T-Shirt
Toe ring
3 Favorite Songs (right now):
"Let Me Touch You For Awhile" - Allison Krauss and Union Station
"Bizarre Love Triangle" - New Order
"Blue Eyes" - Cary Brothers
3 Things About the Opposite Sex That Appeals to You:
Humor
Intelligence
Knowing how to look for your own damn receipt in the trashcan full of last night's Chinese takeout ... er wait ....
3 Things You Want in a Relationship:
Passion
Trust
Love
Nah ... who am I kidding? Just some dirty sex will do.
3 Favorite Hobbies:
Reading books: non-fiction anything
Playing the baby grand (I really do, HDH!)
Finding receipts in the trashcan, apparently
3 Things to Do Before You Die:
Tone up this body
Learn a new language
Use that language to yell profanities at my husband
3 Places You Want to Go:
Europe
Charleston, SC
NYC ... been there, but must go again!
3 Ways You’re Stereotypically Female (or male if you’re a guy):
I keep Bobbi Brown cosmetics in business.
I am religious about hair related stuff.
Shaving and waxing the parts, a must.
2 Truths 1 Lie (in no particular order):
I played pinball with David Hasselhoff in the late 80's
I'll be THIRTY on Wednesday, bitches!
I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom.
3 People You’re Tagging:
Anyone who wants to ...
3 Names You Answer to:
GH
Lil'Vandal
Lil'Bethany
3 Parts of Your Heritage:
English
Danish
German
3 Things That Scare You:
Snakes (seriously)
Tornadoes (once wiped out my girlfriend's house and planted their van in a sprinkler miles away)
Math
3 Everyday Essentials:
Coffee or Non-Fat Chai from Starbucks
Perfume (I'm a perfume WHORE)
Snuggle time with The Bug
3 Things You’re Wearing:
Yoga Pants
T-Shirt
Toe ring
3 Favorite Songs (right now):
"Let Me Touch You For Awhile" - Allison Krauss and Union Station
"Bizarre Love Triangle" - New Order
"Blue Eyes" - Cary Brothers
3 Things About the Opposite Sex That Appeals to You:
Humor
Intelligence
Knowing how to look for your own damn receipt in the trashcan full of last night's Chinese takeout ... er wait ....
3 Things You Want in a Relationship:
Passion
Trust
Love
Nah ... who am I kidding? Just some dirty sex will do.
3 Favorite Hobbies:
Reading books: non-fiction anything
Playing the baby grand (I really do, HDH!)
Finding receipts in the trashcan, apparently
3 Things to Do Before You Die:
Tone up this body
Learn a new language
Use that language to yell profanities at my husband
3 Places You Want to Go:
Europe
Charleston, SC
NYC ... been there, but must go again!
3 Ways You’re Stereotypically Female (or male if you’re a guy):
I keep Bobbi Brown cosmetics in business.
I am religious about hair related stuff.
Shaving and waxing the parts, a must.
2 Truths 1 Lie (in no particular order):
I played pinball with David Hasselhoff in the late 80's
I'll be THIRTY on Wednesday, bitches!
I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom.
3 People You’re Tagging:
Anyone who wants to ...
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Just when you think you might sell your child to the highest bidder and swear you can't take one more fit for one more second, you get the cute smile and belly laugh that leaves your heart all warmed up and happy:
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Netflix Baby
HDH surmised today how easy it would be to "just send HDToddler back, like Netflix" during one of his many temper tantrums.
HDH decided that they need a service where you can "just send the kid back" and put "need replacement - this one is stuck on the crying and won't go to the next scene".
This is so very true.
HDH decided that they need a service where you can "just send the kid back" and put "need replacement - this one is stuck on the crying and won't go to the next scene".
This is so very true.
Oooooh, Lawd.
HDH and I had an albeit rare opportunity to go out last night. HUGE DEAL.
We left baby with the sitter and headed out to dine at a place here in Denver that has had high remarks in the culinary world. The food was marginal, but the wine was great (and priced really well considering).
After dinner, we picked up The Bug, came home, put him to bed, and within seconds of each other, were running to our respective bathrooms wishing and praying for death.
Now, I'm not sure how fast food poisoning can hit a person (HDH didn't think that fast, but the steady stream of death might have changed his mind), but it did and in full force.
With that said: if you're looking for places to dine in Denver and not looking for the champagne poopies, give me a holler and I'll deter you from this establishment.
(unless, of course, you're up on seeing the famous celeb's that come to town - David Schwimmer was there the night before)
We left baby with the sitter and headed out to dine at a place here in Denver that has had high remarks in the culinary world. The food was marginal, but the wine was great (and priced really well considering).
After dinner, we picked up The Bug, came home, put him to bed, and within seconds of each other, were running to our respective bathrooms wishing and praying for death.
Now, I'm not sure how fast food poisoning can hit a person (HDH didn't think that fast, but the steady stream of death might have changed his mind), but it did and in full force.
With that said: if you're looking for places to dine in Denver and not looking for the champagne poopies, give me a holler and I'll deter you from this establishment.
(unless, of course, you're up on seeing the famous celeb's that come to town - David Schwimmer was there the night before)
Thursday, January 26, 2006
About Me
I'm an irredeemably eejitous, liberal, not-too-generous, not-too-selfish, relatively well adjusted human being!
See how compatible you are with me!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
HDW COURTESY EDIT: If you take this little quiz, they'll prompt you to put in your email. If you do, they will then send you every single person's 'compatibility' to yours. And likely (if you are like me), you do not give a rat's rip. Therefore, skip that and get your answer anyway.
See how compatible you are with me!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
HDW COURTESY EDIT: If you take this little quiz, they'll prompt you to put in your email. If you do, they will then send you every single person's 'compatibility' to yours. And likely (if you are like me), you do not give a rat's rip. Therefore, skip that and get your answer anyway.
Toddler Highlights
HDToddler, again, refusing to have his diaper changed. I finally gave up, thinking, "He's going to get tired of it sometime". He didn't.
I finally trapped him, got it changed, and ten minutes later, he crapped yet again. Lovely.
Later this evening, I was doing dishes and talking to HDH on the phone. I look over to see HDT coloring our leather couch. I hang up, scold said child, and see a lot more colored on the hardwood floor.
Yay me.
It's time for Happy Hour.
I finally trapped him, got it changed, and ten minutes later, he crapped yet again. Lovely.
Later this evening, I was doing dishes and talking to HDH on the phone. I look over to see HDT coloring our leather couch. I hang up, scold said child, and see a lot more colored on the hardwood floor.
Yay me.
It's time for Happy Hour.
From the Front Fucking Lines of Plagarism
This morning, TheBlogThief took down my pilfered site (or more than likely, just moved it - but whatever). After asking her quite nicely yesterday morning to not use my site (and with no response), I contacted my web designer and asked her to get involved. The rest of the Cocktail Crew got involved, as well.
To see what has happened since, read Laurie's exchange with the BlogThief.
EDIT: And a special thanks to Laurie for learning me how to do some links. And thanks to Fyrchk for patiently doing all of mine before now. What a e-tard I am.
To see what has happened since, read Laurie's exchange with the BlogThief.
EDIT: And a special thanks to Laurie for learning me how to do some links. And thanks to Fyrchk for patiently doing all of mine before now. What a e-tard I am.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Copyrights
Imagine my fucking surprise to find out someone had STOLEN my web design.
The person stealing my stuff can be seen here.
People, this is a copyrighted site. It's not for the masses to take! It was specifically made for me, by Cat at Blog-Togs, and PAID FOR. Not to be ripped off, and poorly at that.
I'm pretty pissed off about it all.
The links are still pointing to my old stuff ...
I repeat: Copyrighted. Stealing is bad.
IT IS COPYRIGHTED.
Edit: Thanks to my friends for having my e-back. Fyrchk, Laurie,
April, and Dark Damian.
The person stealing my stuff can be seen here.
People, this is a copyrighted site. It's not for the masses to take! It was specifically made for me, by Cat at Blog-Togs, and PAID FOR. Not to be ripped off, and poorly at that.
I'm pretty pissed off about it all.
The links are still pointing to my old stuff ...
I repeat: Copyrighted. Stealing is bad.
IT IS COPYRIGHTED.
Edit: Thanks to my friends for having my e-back. Fyrchk, Laurie,
April, and Dark Damian.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
GO BRONCOS!!!
My new t-shirt courtesy http://homegirlsboston.com/ ...
EDIT: Okay, my Broncos REALLY STUNK IT UP this afternoon ... I still love my shirt, though.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
And the winner goes to ...
Whomever stumbled across my site today looking for:
POOP STAIN MARTINI
I'd like to know who the hell was sitting around, thinking, "DANG! Nothing sounds better right now than a 'poop stain martini'!"
Bartender: And what will you be having this evening?
Fine Patron: I'd really like a POOP STAIN MARTINI, straight up, extra dingleberries".
POOP STAIN MARTINI
I'd like to know who the hell was sitting around, thinking, "DANG! Nothing sounds better right now than a 'poop stain martini'!"
Bartender: And what will you be having this evening?
Fine Patron: I'd really like a POOP STAIN MARTINI, straight up, extra dingleberries".
"Your Son Eats Shoes!"
HDToddler's day care person called me today and said, "HDW, your son eats shoes!"
Apparently, he was messing around with her Crocs yesterday, and now one is missing. She has looked everywhere. And because the kids are confined to one level of the house, there isn't much of a chance it's any but three rooms. The other shoe is AWOL.
This is not news to me.
A few months ago, I bought HDToddler a new pair of shoes. We have one, the other is gone. I have searched the car, the toy box, the closet, everywhere - no left shoe.
On Thanksgiving, our neighbor girl came over and when it came time to leave, her shoes were missing. We spent a good 30 minutes that night quizzing her, asking her where she left them (and she maintains they were downstairs where we all were), and convinced the older kids had done something with them.
NeighborhoodMom: Really, you haven't found them?? Have you checked HDToddler's closet ... you know, EVERYWHERE?
Me: Of course I have. I have now idea where they went. I wasn't in charge of them that night.
NM: Of cousre not. But they did cost $50 you know. And now she has to walk around in PAYLESS SHOES and has blisters.
Me: What are you saying? You want us to pay up for her missing shoes?
NM: No, no ... I'm just saying ....
And maybe she's right. Maybe HDT has a fetish for shoes.
It is now the end of January, and those shoes are sucked into the giant hole where - apparently - HDToddler is putting them.
Someday, we will discover the secret hiding place he has for shoes.
Apparently, he was messing around with her Crocs yesterday, and now one is missing. She has looked everywhere. And because the kids are confined to one level of the house, there isn't much of a chance it's any but three rooms. The other shoe is AWOL.
This is not news to me.
A few months ago, I bought HDToddler a new pair of shoes. We have one, the other is gone. I have searched the car, the toy box, the closet, everywhere - no left shoe.
On Thanksgiving, our neighbor girl came over and when it came time to leave, her shoes were missing. We spent a good 30 minutes that night quizzing her, asking her where she left them (and she maintains they were downstairs where we all were), and convinced the older kids had done something with them.
NeighborhoodMom: Really, you haven't found them?? Have you checked HDToddler's closet ... you know, EVERYWHERE?
Me: Of course I have. I have now idea where they went. I wasn't in charge of them that night.
NM: Of cousre not. But they did cost $50 you know. And now she has to walk around in PAYLESS SHOES and has blisters.
Me: What are you saying? You want us to pay up for her missing shoes?
NM: No, no ... I'm just saying ....
And maybe she's right. Maybe HDT has a fetish for shoes.
It is now the end of January, and those shoes are sucked into the giant hole where - apparently - HDToddler is putting them.
Someday, we will discover the secret hiding place he has for shoes.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Back From the Edge
After the longest stretch of agony with a toddler, tonight we had pay off.
As we were doing the nightly ritual ...
Me: Say 'Night-Night' to Daddy.
HDToddler: Nigh-Nigh...tah!
Me: Say 'Night-Night' to Mommy.
HDT: Nigh-Nigh ..tah!
Me: Say 'Love You' to Daddy.
And USUALLY, nothing. But tonight?? he said it!! He said it back and I got all teary-eyed.
I tell you ... it made all the battles for the dirty diapers and new clothing changes today a little easier. It just melted me.
As we were doing the nightly ritual ...
Me: Say 'Night-Night' to Daddy.
HDToddler: Nigh-Nigh...tah!
Me: Say 'Night-Night' to Mommy.
HDT: Nigh-Nigh ..tah!
Me: Say 'Love You' to Daddy.
And USUALLY, nothing. But tonight?? he said it!! He said it back and I got all teary-eyed.
I tell you ... it made all the battles for the dirty diapers and new clothing changes today a little easier. It just melted me.
Snow Day!
Such a beautiful, light snow this morning! It's supposed to do this all day - and give us about SIX INCHES by tonight. The mountains are getting hammered, so a good day to go skiing!
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Toddler Tantrums
During a tantrum following a diaper change last night (screaming "NOOOOOO!", kicking, trying to throw things around, tipping over the table behind him, etc):
HDHusband: WHEN WILL THIS STAGE BE OVER?
HDW: I HAVE NO DAMN IDEA!
HDHusband: I HOPE NOT FIVE MINUTES MORE!!!
And yes we were yelling.
My neighbor swears the very second you think you just can't take one more minute of the current stage they are in, it changes.
I'm patiently (not really) awaiting the change to something else.
On the sweet end of it all, HDToddler has a new variety of words (other than "NO!"). It's fun to hear him pick up these words and use them correctly.
Although, my fear is that he will be picking up the words I mumble to myself while trying to pin him down during the diaper change .... ?
My girlfriend pointed out to me that to say being a mom 'isn't working' is a joke. At least when you go to work at an office, you get to lock the door behind you when you pee. It's a whole other story at our house - my personal favorite being the story I told Fyr recently, and will have to recount another time.
HDHusband: WHEN WILL THIS STAGE BE OVER?
HDW: I HAVE NO DAMN IDEA!
HDHusband: I HOPE NOT FIVE MINUTES MORE!!!
And yes we were yelling.
My neighbor swears the very second you think you just can't take one more minute of the current stage they are in, it changes.
I'm patiently (not really) awaiting the change to something else.
On the sweet end of it all, HDToddler has a new variety of words (other than "NO!"). It's fun to hear him pick up these words and use them correctly.
Although, my fear is that he will be picking up the words I mumble to myself while trying to pin him down during the diaper change .... ?
My girlfriend pointed out to me that to say being a mom 'isn't working' is a joke. At least when you go to work at an office, you get to lock the door behind you when you pee. It's a whole other story at our house - my personal favorite being the story I told Fyr recently, and will have to recount another time.
Blogging
I found this article really interesting from my current issue of The Atlantic Monthly magazine:
"According to a survey by the magazine Advertising Age, a leading culprit is Weblogs. The survey indicates that one in four U.S. workers reads blog regularly while at work, losing, on average, some nine percent of the workweek. This amounts to 551,000 years of labor lost in 2005 alone. If only blgogers whose words seem so compelling were the ones sending us email: 34 percent of workers surveyed by Information Mapping Inc. reported wasting thirty to sixty minutes a day trying to interpret 'ineffectively written messages' .... Having examined productivity in nine countries, it concludes that 37 percent of the time spent at work is wasted - but that poor management and inadequate supervision are largely to blame."
"According to a survey by the magazine Advertising Age, a leading culprit is Weblogs. The survey indicates that one in four U.S. workers reads blog regularly while at work, losing, on average, some nine percent of the workweek. This amounts to 551,000 years of labor lost in 2005 alone. If only blgogers whose words seem so compelling were the ones sending us email: 34 percent of workers surveyed by Information Mapping Inc. reported wasting thirty to sixty minutes a day trying to interpret 'ineffectively written messages' .... Having examined productivity in nine countries, it concludes that 37 percent of the time spent at work is wasted - but that poor management and inadequate supervision are largely to blame."
Saturday, January 14, 2006
SUH-WEEEEEEEEET!
My beloved Broncos beat the asshat Patriots this evening.
I am soooooooooooooooo happy!!!
PS Dear God, if you're listening, the best thing EVER would be to have the Steelers win tomorrow. Home field advantage, you see. I'm all for a sympathy vote for Dungy, but still ... HDHusband LOVES the Steelers, and well, I'd love to see that match-up. Love, HDW
I am soooooooooooooooo happy!!!
PS Dear God, if you're listening, the best thing EVER would be to have the Steelers win tomorrow. Home field advantage, you see. I'm all for a sympathy vote for Dungy, but still ... HDHusband LOVES the Steelers, and well, I'd love to see that match-up. Love, HDW
Friday, January 13, 2006
Friday the 13th
So far, not so bad.
I've actually had really GOOD things happen on Friday the 13th, so maybe it's a luckier-ish day for me?
HDToddler is over whatever hell-bug-virus he had. I'm not convinced it was really the Coxsackie virus again. The nurse practitioner who diagnosed him had the ugliest pair of witchhalfbootshoes I have ever seen in my life. Anyone who can wear shoes with points on'em like that can't think straight in my book.
Also, the Broncos are in the play-off's tomororow. It's quite likely we'll have our asses handed to us. We didn't start the year on a good foot. But my husband's best friend is a die-hard Raiders fan, and he called last night to report that he will be cheering for our guys tomorrow, because in his words, "I hate the Patriots. They are a bunch of ass hats".
I'd agree with that.
Ed Note: The Raiders Fan is coming out for my birthday bash in February. Lock up the liquor cabinets and hide your women - he's coming to town, kids.
I've actually had really GOOD things happen on Friday the 13th, so maybe it's a luckier-ish day for me?
HDToddler is over whatever hell-bug-virus he had. I'm not convinced it was really the Coxsackie virus again. The nurse practitioner who diagnosed him had the ugliest pair of witchhalfbootshoes I have ever seen in my life. Anyone who can wear shoes with points on'em like that can't think straight in my book.
Also, the Broncos are in the play-off's tomororow. It's quite likely we'll have our asses handed to us. We didn't start the year on a good foot. But my husband's best friend is a die-hard Raiders fan, and he called last night to report that he will be cheering for our guys tomorrow, because in his words, "I hate the Patriots. They are a bunch of ass hats".
I'd agree with that.
Ed Note: The Raiders Fan is coming out for my birthday bash in February. Lock up the liquor cabinets and hide your women - he's coming to town, kids.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Trash Day
It's Trash Day.
I got up early, took out the trash bins, and as I was making my way out with the extra bags and boxes, I notice this guy meandering (read: running towards me) down our street.
I'm used to seeing red foxes on the ranch where I grew up. We had one living in a field north of our house, and our dog, Jasper, made friends with it - watching the babies while the momma fox would go off and hunt. Very cute, actually.
But,I'm not expecting to see them in the rolling hills of Concrete and Traffic (but I have an idea where this guy might be living), let alone at 6:30 this morning when I was still half-the-hell-asleep.
I got up early, took out the trash bins, and as I was making my way out with the extra bags and boxes, I notice this guy meandering (read: running towards me) down our street.
I'm used to seeing red foxes on the ranch where I grew up. We had one living in a field north of our house, and our dog, Jasper, made friends with it - watching the babies while the momma fox would go off and hunt. Very cute, actually.
But,I'm not expecting to see them in the rolling hills of Concrete and Traffic (but I have an idea where this guy might be living), let alone at 6:30 this morning when I was still half-the-hell-asleep.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Unrelated ....
............ But who in the hell still says, "Yo!" .... ????
Seriously.
Yo.
Truly. I thought that went out with parachute pants, Vanilla Ice-Ice-Baby.
Seriously.
Yo.
Truly. I thought that went out with parachute pants, Vanilla Ice-Ice-Baby.
For Laurie
As a follow-up to what ElHeffe's friend has masterbated with (other than WD-40 - and trust me, this isn't ElHeffe - I know the guy that's done this shit):
It's called "Slew Mud". It's this really nasty, black mud that you find near ponds and lakes for example.
Me: So, what else has he whacked it with? Inquiring minds need to know.
ElHeffe: Oh man. Well, once he whacked it with slew mud.
Me: Hedidnot!
EH: Sure as shit. And I couldn't believe it when he told me. I guess he really had to do it or somethin'.
Me: SPIT! WHY IN THE HELL DOESN'T HE JUST USE SPIT!!!
EH: I don't know, but I told him - I said, "Man! There are BUGS and things that BITE in that mud!! And you're putting that on your dick?". It has to be burnt off and calloused and nasty by now.
Me: .... silence .....
EH: But, I guess PigEyes must not care. She's so ugly and stupid she wouldn't know what a dirty dick looked like. I hate PigEyes.
PigEyes is a whole other story.
But I ask you ... what name can I give this friend? I can't think of a single one tonight.
It's called "Slew Mud". It's this really nasty, black mud that you find near ponds and lakes for example.
Me: So, what else has he whacked it with? Inquiring minds need to know.
ElHeffe: Oh man. Well, once he whacked it with slew mud.
Me: Hedidnot!
EH: Sure as shit. And I couldn't believe it when he told me. I guess he really had to do it or somethin'.
Me: SPIT! WHY IN THE HELL DOESN'T HE JUST USE SPIT!!!
EH: I don't know, but I told him - I said, "Man! There are BUGS and things that BITE in that mud!! And you're putting that on your dick?". It has to be burnt off and calloused and nasty by now.
Me: .... silence .....
EH: But, I guess PigEyes must not care. She's so ugly and stupid she wouldn't know what a dirty dick looked like. I hate PigEyes.
PigEyes is a whole other story.
But I ask you ... what name can I give this friend? I can't think of a single one tonight.
HDW's StraightJacket Day
Bummer.
My son has been sick since Saturday with a low-grade temp and really just all-around feeling like crap. He has had two nights in a row of waking up extremely unhappy. I swear to you, last night he sounded like he was possessed. From about midnight to one, I sat with this arching, angry, growling baby-child and rocked him back to sleep. Insanity.
Today, I take him to the doctor. He doesn't have a temp at all and is eating better.
Doctor looks in throat and tells me there are blisters on the back of his throat. Once again, folks, HDToddler has herpangina ... a variation of the Coxsackie Virus (again, nice name). HDToddler had this last summer. The time frame is about 10-14 days, and the doctor today believes we are 'just beginning'. She hopes it won't be as bad as it's the second time around and his fevers haven't been what they were before (103-104 for four days).
Bummer, bummer, bummer, motherfucking bummer.
Fuck. Piss. Shit. Fuck. Dammit. FUCK!!!
My son has been sick since Saturday with a low-grade temp and really just all-around feeling like crap. He has had two nights in a row of waking up extremely unhappy. I swear to you, last night he sounded like he was possessed. From about midnight to one, I sat with this arching, angry, growling baby-child and rocked him back to sleep. Insanity.
Today, I take him to the doctor. He doesn't have a temp at all and is eating better.
Doctor looks in throat and tells me there are blisters on the back of his throat. Once again, folks, HDToddler has herpangina ... a variation of the Coxsackie Virus (again, nice name). HDToddler had this last summer. The time frame is about 10-14 days, and the doctor today believes we are 'just beginning'. She hopes it won't be as bad as it's the second time around and his fevers haven't been what they were before (103-104 for four days).
Bummer, bummer, bummer, motherfucking bummer.
Fuck. Piss. Shit. Fuck. Dammit. FUCK!!!
Recent Keyword Search
Isn't this always fun?
Amidst all the "hot wife" and "green martini", we've had a few new ones as of late:
"Martini Sippy Cup"
And a personal favorite:
"mom sucks dads cock"
I hope they were VERY disappointed when they landed my blog.
Freaking SICKOS!
(a lot worse than WD40 on your wanger, but whatever)
Amidst all the "hot wife" and "green martini", we've had a few new ones as of late:
"Martini Sippy Cup"
And a personal favorite:
"mom sucks dads cock"
I hope they were VERY disappointed when they landed my blog.
Freaking SICKOS!
(a lot worse than WD40 on your wanger, but whatever)
Monday, January 09, 2006
And What Do You ... You Know .. With?
Personally, when the mood strikes, this stuff is AWESOME, ladies:
And I'm amused that Climatique would put flowers next to the bottle. Like what, that's going to sell on this shit? No!! But it WILL make you have a longer, more sustained back-arching orgasm when flying solo (or will help, I suppose). You really don't need a lot on the ol' man in the boat, FYI, or it'll be numb, numb, numb.
Now, to flip it all around, I know a guy who had the urge strike, had NOTHING ELSE to use (so he says, but hey, I'm all for spit and you'll see why), so he reached into the back of his rig and used THIS instead (I so kid you not):
And I'm amused that Climatique would put flowers next to the bottle. Like what, that's going to sell on this shit? No!! But it WILL make you have a longer, more sustained back-arching orgasm when flying solo (or will help, I suppose). You really don't need a lot on the ol' man in the boat, FYI, or it'll be numb, numb, numb.
Now, to flip it all around, I know a guy who had the urge strike, had NOTHING ELSE to use (so he says, but hey, I'm all for spit and you'll see why), so he reached into the back of his rig and used THIS instead (I so kid you not):
I'm a (tired) Idiot
This entry is in part because I'm an idiot, and in part to make Fyrchk revisit my blog (after boycotting it until said snake photo is gone):
This morning, HDHusband got up at Oh-Dark-Thirty (5:00). He had to be to work early for interviews, as well as finish packing for his four-day trip to Paris, France. I had already tossed and turned to sleep last night, then up early because he was up early (if even in fits of sleep), so I averaged about 4-5 hours of sleep last night. And HDW needs, oh, 8-10 to be normal (and this isn't always a reasonable goal with a child, but I digress).
THE POINT is this:
I decided to hit Starbucks for a coffee to wake my ass up. While in the drive-thru, I started getting stuff together to throw away in the nice little trash can they have before the pull-up window.
I managed to throw out a ten dollar bill. How the hell did that happen???
I had to pay with a five, park the car, go back and fish for my money. The lady at the trash can was on her yuppie bluetooth phone (sorry HDH) and gave me a quizzical, yet bitchy, look.
I blamed my son.
He wasn't even there.
Fuck you, bitch. Fuck me for throwing away ten dollars.
Here's to a good night's sleep!!!
This morning, HDHusband got up at Oh-Dark-Thirty (5:00). He had to be to work early for interviews, as well as finish packing for his four-day trip to Paris, France. I had already tossed and turned to sleep last night, then up early because he was up early (if even in fits of sleep), so I averaged about 4-5 hours of sleep last night. And HDW needs, oh, 8-10 to be normal (and this isn't always a reasonable goal with a child, but I digress).
THE POINT is this:
I decided to hit Starbucks for a coffee to wake my ass up. While in the drive-thru, I started getting stuff together to throw away in the nice little trash can they have before the pull-up window.
I managed to throw out a ten dollar bill. How the hell did that happen???
I had to pay with a five, park the car, go back and fish for my money. The lady at the trash can was on her yuppie bluetooth phone (sorry HDH) and gave me a quizzical, yet bitchy, look.
I blamed my son.
He wasn't even there.
Fuck you, bitch. Fuck me for throwing away ten dollars.
Here's to a good night's sleep!!!
Snake Stories
I grew up in Eastern Colorado on a farm/ranch. I am much better equipped as a City Girl, but I did make it work for 20 years out there. I hated two things there ... tornadoes and snakes (and there were PLENTY of both).
One year, a bull snake fell from the rafters of a barn and landed around my shoulders. The devil snake looked like this:
One year, a bull snake fell from the rafters of a barn and landed around my shoulders. The devil snake looked like this:
I nearly pissed myself and ran away screaming.
Now, bull snakes are relatively harmless. They spend a lot of time lounging and eating chicken eggs, mice, etc. Mattered not to me. That little bastard wanted me dead and I knew it!!
I encountered a rattlesnake only once. I was crossing through an open field northesast of my house. It was a beautiful summer day, and the rattler was coiled up. It would shake for a bit, stop for a bit, shake, stop. I stood there (again pissing myself) and waited for divine intervention. My dad happened to step out on the patio and saw me standing there, scared shitless. He hopped on the 4-Wheeler, brought a shovel and took me back home.
And last but not least, ElHeffe had a snake named Santana once. He swore if you stared at Santana's back, you could see someone's face in it. Nope, no staring from me. I do remember ElHeffe came out of his room once with a very long tube of dead skin. He looked at me completely deadpan, and said, "Don't EVER sunburn you penis!" and walked away.
I pissed myself for an entirely different reason then.
Friday, January 06, 2006
Two Desperate Housewives, Please!
Had a Friday Martini lunch with two neighbor ladies today. I ordered the Desperate Houswife martini (appropriate, of course).
During the conversation, one neighbor says to the other:
BullemicNeighbor: "I just can't CUSS around you. I have never once hear you say ... you know, the 'f' word."
BossypantsNeighbor: "Really?? I say it all the time. Fuck, fuck, FUCK!"
Me: "I say it way too often. You can just say it around me whenever you need to."
BullemicNeighbor: "Oh goodie. Now I have a fuck buddy!!"
And it was lost on her.
The rest of us were on the floor laughing, ordering another martini. She was being Miss Stickuptheass and refused to play our reindeer games.
During the conversation, one neighbor says to the other:
BullemicNeighbor: "I just can't CUSS around you. I have never once hear you say ... you know, the 'f' word."
BossypantsNeighbor: "Really?? I say it all the time. Fuck, fuck, FUCK!"
Me: "I say it way too often. You can just say it around me whenever you need to."
BullemicNeighbor: "Oh goodie. Now I have a fuck buddy!!"
And it was lost on her.
The rest of us were on the floor laughing, ordering another martini. She was being Miss Stickuptheass and refused to play our reindeer games.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Random
Totally random, but I just can't stand Pat Robertson.
SHUT THE HELL UP!!!
I think Laurie (and if I could fucking link, I would to her right now...Fyrchk to the rescue...) should Shank him. What a TOOL.
He suggested today that the Lord smote Prime Minister Sharon with a stroke that "was divine retribution for the Israeli withdrawal from Gaza, which Robertson opposed".
Shhh, be quiet, you old dinosaur. SHHHHHHHHHH.
SHUT THE HELL UP!!!
I think Laurie (and if I could fucking link, I would to her right now...Fyrchk to the rescue...) should Shank him. What a TOOL.
He suggested today that the Lord smote Prime Minister Sharon with a stroke that "was divine retribution for the Israeli withdrawal from Gaza, which Robertson opposed".
Shhh, be quiet, you old dinosaur. SHHHHHHHHHH.
more Ism's
Dr. Cox-ism's (and I need a laugh today):
"Well gosh, I guess I became a doctor because ever since I was a little boy I just wanted to help people. I don't tell this story often, but I remember when I was 7 years old, one time I found a bird that had fallen out of it's nest, and so I picked him up and I brought him home, and I made him a house out of an empty shoebox. (starts laughing). I became a doctor for the same four reasons that everybody does: chicks, money, power, and chicks. "
[an overweight patient has not been losing weight, despite Dr Cox's orders]
Dr. Cox : Lemme ask you a quick question: are you trying to make my head explode? Because you have no idea just how frustrating it is working your ass off trying to inflate a tiny little balloon inside somebody's clogged artery when all that person has to do, really is - oh, I don't know - go for a walk in the morning or choke down a fresh green salad. And you come back here looking like that? And, I know here, I know I'm supposed to be Dr. Give-A-Crap, but you wanna hear the God's honest truth? And this is a fact: you are what you eat. And you clearly went out and devoured a big fat guy, didn't ya?
"Well gosh, I guess I became a doctor because ever since I was a little boy I just wanted to help people. I don't tell this story often, but I remember when I was 7 years old, one time I found a bird that had fallen out of it's nest, and so I picked him up and I brought him home, and I made him a house out of an empty shoebox. (starts laughing). I became a doctor for the same four reasons that everybody does: chicks, money, power, and chicks. "
[an overweight patient has not been losing weight, despite Dr Cox's orders]
Dr. Cox : Lemme ask you a quick question: are you trying to make my head explode? Because you have no idea just how frustrating it is working your ass off trying to inflate a tiny little balloon inside somebody's clogged artery when all that person has to do, really is - oh, I don't know - go for a walk in the morning or choke down a fresh green salad. And you come back here looking like that? And, I know here, I know I'm supposed to be Dr. Give-A-Crap, but you wanna hear the God's honest truth? And this is a fact: you are what you eat. And you clearly went out and devoured a big fat guy, didn't ya?
More With ElHeffe
HDW: Hey, how's your wife doing after surgery? She okay?
ElHeffe: She's fine. Still a bitch. Apparently they didn't cut that part out of her. Dammit.
ElHeffe: She's fine. Still a bitch. Apparently they didn't cut that part out of her. Dammit.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Update
My younger brother's birth mother found him a few months ago. He sent me photos today of his half-siblings (none of his mom yet, only has hard copies of those, but did meet her not long ago).
I am floored and amazed to see the similarities in his brothers, mostly. And of course there would be ... but to be a child of adoption as well and to always look in the mirror and not see anyone familiar ... it's a huge deal to me.
I continue looking back at the photos he sent. I have spent the majority of the morning doing so! I see more and more of him every time I look. And he doesn't see himself yet ... interesting.
So very cool!
I am floored and amazed to see the similarities in his brothers, mostly. And of course there would be ... but to be a child of adoption as well and to always look in the mirror and not see anyone familiar ... it's a huge deal to me.
I continue looking back at the photos he sent. I have spent the majority of the morning doing so! I see more and more of him every time I look. And he doesn't see himself yet ... interesting.
So very cool!
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Wishes from Despair.com
Monday, January 02, 2006
Sappy New Year's Wish (and all that)
Not much of a Goo Goo Dolls aficiando, but heard these lyrics yesterday on the ride out east to my old ranch. Seems fitting for a New Year's wish ... hope everyone had a great time!
"And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cuz I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And desire and love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again"
"And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cuz I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And desire and love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again"
Happy 2006!
Recently, HDHusband purchased CD's ... circa 1980's. Among other fascinating choices (The Babys, John Waite), he purchased Loverboy (the "Keep It Up" album). He purchased this off of Amazon on my account, therefore giving me all the receipt emails and such. After letting HDH know he had his prized CD on the way, this is the email I received in return from my husband:
You betcha baby. Loverboy and I were in our primes in the mid 80s. I
had hair, The Rick Springfield look going. Accepted to medical school.
Hanging out with the my friends from college. It was all muscle
shirts and big hair. Tie a few bandanas on my jeans, smoke my little
smoke, drink my little drink, and get down to the serious business of
begging intoxicated women to come home with me. However, I was
carefully biding my time, knowing that somewhere in the big United
States there was some toddler babe in big girl diapers who would
eventually rock my world (AKA put up with my shit), and we would settle
down and have a fambly.
HDH
You betcha baby. Loverboy and I were in our primes in the mid 80s. I
had hair, The Rick Springfield look going. Accepted to medical school.
Hanging out with the my friends from college. It was all muscle
shirts and big hair. Tie a few bandanas on my jeans, smoke my little
smoke, drink my little drink, and get down to the serious business of
begging intoxicated women to come home with me. However, I was
carefully biding my time, knowing that somewhere in the big United
States there was some toddler babe in big girl diapers who would
eventually rock my world (AKA put up with my shit), and we would settle
down and have a fambly.
HDH
Name: Hot Dr's Wife!
Location: The Rockies
I am the wife of a surgeon, a mother of a three-year-old son, a sister to a redneck brother, the daughter of a dad I miss daily. Colorado native, raised on a ranch, been on a cattle drive and driven many combines. I am always barefoot, I love my friends, and I insist Happy Hour start at 5:00 pm and not a minute later.
Delve deeper...
Click here for more!
Location: The Rockies
I am the wife of a surgeon, a mother of a three-year-old son, a sister to a redneck brother, the daughter of a dad I miss daily. Colorado native, raised on a ranch, been on a cattle drive and driven many combines. I am always barefoot, I love my friends, and I insist Happy Hour start at 5:00 pm and not a minute later.
Delve deeper...
Click here for more!
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