My little brother is a serious redneck. One of his favorite lines to my nephew is: "You better stop, Philip, before I box yer ears in".

He lives in filfth and squallor. In order to "have a better view", he moved his pool table upstairs into the living room. The pickup he drives was nice at some point, but no longer. There's trash layered in the back .... just sick.

And on a regular basis, my brother argues with me. He is often wrong, but he will argue until he's blue in the face about whatever the issue is.

Take for example, today's issue:

Wade: ...... PHILIP!!! DO NOT RUN THROUGH THIS HOUSE WITH YOUR UNDERWEAR DIRTY! YOU HAVE A GIANT POOP STAIN ON THE BACK!!!!

Me: That's gross, Wade! Don't yell in my ear.

Wade: Sorry. Well, no one taught me to wipe my own ass so I don't know what to tell Philip. Guess he'll just have to learn on his own.

Me: Maybe you should buy those Cottonelle wipes.

Wade: Those are for hemmoroids.

Me: No, they aren't. They're for anyone.

Wade: NO! Those are just for old people with 'roids.

(this argument goes on for about five minutes)

Me: We have them at our house, Wade. They are for anyone, I swear it to you. Go buy home. It will be easier for him that way. And maybe even you. I'd hate to know how nasty your asshole is.

Wade: Well, THAT'S gross, Syd. You need those 'roid wipes? Now I know what's growing on YOUR butt.