I'm going on a CRUISE in May.

I'm giong with the lovely and beautiful Fyrchk. It should be a grand time, especially for yours truly. I will be far away from stinky diapers, the word, "NO!". It will be me, fruity alchoholic beverages, the sun, a boat, and a great time with friends.

What's the catch, you say?? I will tell you.

I have known Fyrchk well over a year now. We've chatted on IM, email, phone, and everything short of face to face. We've exchanged holiday cards and presents at birthdays, Christmas, and Valentine's Day. She's a real human being and I love her to bits and pieces.

"Of course she is, you dummy", you might be saying.

I know this. YOU know this. But my husband's face-picker does not.

This woman ... we'll call her BigBowFacePicker (or BBFP) ... has been working on faces on our street for years, apparently. She is cozy with my neighbor, who introduced us to her. I went a few times when I was pregnant, and my face looked worse than when I went in. I stopped going, and I stopped buying $300 worth of crap for my face that just didn't work anyway.

HDHusband still goes, and because he truly DOES see the benefits of the face-picking, he continues to go. And because HDH is BALD, this is as close as he comes to having a hairdresser ie: someone you blather on and on to.

He blathered, and a bit too much.

HDH told BBFP that I was going on a cruise.

BBFP: With who?

HDH: Some girl she met off the internet. (nice, that sounded REALLY NICE)

BBFP: OH NO!! That is NOT okay! YOU HAVE TO TELL HER NOT TO GO!!

HDH: Uh, why?

BBFP: BECAUSE!! Because ... this 'friend' of hers knows that you are a DOCTOR, right?

HDH: .... I think so?? ...

BBFP: Well, then she's probably going to KIDNAP her and hold her for ransom!! And she doesn't even KNOW HER? Oh HDH. You have to tell her not to go. Absolutely forbid it.

HDH: I don't tell my wife what to do.

BBFP: And she might not even be a she! She could be a HE! She could be masquerading as a SHE just to lure her in ...

And so on and so forth ... and this conversation is recreated every damn time my husband goes in to see her. I finally said, "Why don't you tell her this is NONE OF HER BUSINESS?? If you don't, I will."

I mean, come on, people!! I realize that crazy shit happens (the she vs. he stuff), but I'm not a dummy. I am the one that started talking to HER on a previous board. I found HER, not the other way around. And anyone that knows her or reads her blog, even, knows Fyrchk is a fantastic and lovely person. And she is NOT a man. She has the sexiest voice alive, people.

And why is it you tell someone you met a friend 'over the internet' or 'on a blog' and immediately, they recoil. I've met Kath in person, and she's lovely. She didn't try to whack me over the head and take me away (yet, anyway).

The bottom line is this:

HDH had another appointment with her a weekend or so ago, and she started in on this diatribe again. He finally said this to her:

"Look, I trust my wife IMPLICITLY. If she feels it is okay to do, then it is. She knows best."

And I hope to hell that woman drops it ... I'm getting really, really annoyed.

Fyr, make sure to tell us what bills to have ready on this end. You know, pesos, yen? Let's get it all ready to go beforehand.

SHEEEEEESH!