We had a BBQ at our house yesterday and invited my brother's biological mom and her family (for those just catching up, she found him in October). My brother did the cooking (made perch and trout that he had caught himself) and a lot of the drinking. I began calling him Sloshy McDrinksalot by the end of the night.

Here's are some snippets of conversation from through-out the day:

At liquor store:

"Huh, a MARTINI RIMMER. (pause) I had a damn good rim job once! Didn't give one though, you know!!"

Flipping through HBO movies, talking to my 2.5 year old son:

"Now listen to your Uncle, Boy! If it doesn't say 'Adult language' or 'Adult content' or 'Parental Guidance' at the beginning of the movie, you don't want to watch it. Listen to your uncle. THIS IS IMPORTANT!"

While filling up our little pool in the back yard:

"HDToddler, let's go crack open a cold one and CLIMB IN!"

I had given my nephew some waterless soap stuff, apple-flavored. My nephew (6) used it on his arms, legs, face and put it in his hair:

"Jesus Christ! You smell like a damn stripper now!! .......... Last time I went to a strip club, there was that pause, you know, between songs? She started talking and saying, 'So, what do you do? Do you have any kids?' ... and I said, 'Cut that shit out! I don't want to have PERSONAL CHAT! I want you to rub your bits on my bits!!'"

When HDHusband asked if I was really as 'straight-laced' in high school as I have always told him:

Him: "When I asked the kids in school, you know, about my sis and what she was like, they always say, 'HDW? She was the ride home!'. So yah, my sis was the Good DD."
Me: "What's a Bad DD, then?"
Him: "A Bad DD is a Designated Drunk. See, HDH?? She doesn't even know what the hell a Bad DD is. Of course she was straight-laced. SHE STILL IS!"

EDIT: Damn. How I could I forget THIS STORY?? On a serious note, my brother told me yesterday that my nephew came home a week or so ago, telling him the kids he plays with across the street had guns. My brother was an idiot and said, "Ah, they're probably fake". My nephew (who is 6) insisted they weren't. My brother then said, "You aren't going back to play there then". The other night, they're watching the news, and this new report comes on.

Young Boy Shot In The Head

Yup. My brother's neighbors. Same boys my nephew played with. Same guns. Scary. As. Hell.

I grabbed my nephew, hugged him, and told him to ALWAYS TELL when he sees something like that. And if no one believes him (like my idiot brother), to KEEP TELLING until someone does.