If you've read any of the Stephanie Plum novels, you'll know the Grandma Mazur character. THIS is my grandma. She's fiesty. She's wild. She's mouthy. She smokes like a freight train and spends her time volunteering for the church, but complains because the church ladies 'bother her too much'. She also is famous for leaving her pack of Winston Salems on the front pew of the church.

My grandma will talk to you on the phone while doing 'her business'. Or as she might say, "taking a healthy". My grandma was never the one to bake cookies and knit. Nope. My grandma was the one that watched soap operas, taught you to curse right, didn't balk at letting you watch a PG-13 or R rated movie, bought a bunch of sweet candy, let you drink your weight in soda, ordered take out, let you put on her nice red lipstick, taught you how to properly flip off someone, and bought you your first Barbie Doll and bikini, even when her daughter to her not to.

In short: My grandma kicks major ass.

But, grandma has never been good at gauging your size or your style of clothing. Ever. She was such a snappy dresser for many years. She'd shower herself in Eternity perfume and take her fake-nailed self out on the town.

The woman is hit or miss with gifts. One year, I got a pair of orange leather gloves about two sizes too small for Christmas. Another year, she'd buy Beautiful perfume by Estee Lauder and a makeup kit and redeem herself.

She called last week to tell me she was sending a package with some clothes she'd taken out of her closet, some she could see me in and thought I'd like. Now, I could just tell grandma I'm not interested, but this would hurt her feelings. She loves doing things like this, and sometimes, she throws in a piece of jewelry she just doesn't want anymore (and man she has some great ones). I told her to send it, and folks, I opened it up about 20 minutes ago.

Inside:

1. Cool photo of World Trade Center Towers she bought (with a handwritten note on the back, of course)
2. Bambi 2 DVD for HDToddler
3. A sampler of nuts
4. Two books she's read (that looks pretty good, actually)
5. And then the clothes ....

We have a lot of thing I can't explain. Mostly (and I mean this seriously) FOUR SIZES too big for me. A lot of coral orange/burnt umber. A gray jumpsuit dress thing. A few really older lady kind of outfits. Mostly things not fit for a 30-year-old who just bought a pair of jeans that accentuates 'le booty' ....

But my favorite of all??

Behold the SEQUINED, zip-up, yet REVERSIBLE jacket:

SEE THE HOTNESS RIGHT HERE BECAUSE BLOGGER WON'T LET ME UPLOAD

I haven't stopped giggling. In fact, I'm a bit light headed. The clothes all smell like her, though. Winston's and Eternity perfume.

So THIS is why I will keep all these crazy outfits. Not because I'd ever be caught dead in them, or that they would even fit, but so that I will be able to revisit my awesome grandma again someday.

Truly and honestly, one of a kind.