Last night, I ordered pizza. It was take-out only, so having a 16-mth-old in tow, I had time to pay and leave. (sidenote: some creepy guy followed me in and said, "Gee, you must think you have a stalker because I followed you ALL the way down suchandsuch street and into the parking lot ... I answered that, no, I didn't think he was a stalker, and I was so occupied with my baby, I wouldn't have known ... he said, "Well, with your kind of rizzo, I doubt it!" What the fuck??)

Regardless ... I get the pizza, I get home, I unload two pizza's and baby into the house. I open the pizza to discover two VERY burned pizza's. The underneath was toasted. The top was toasted. In fact, I couldn't tell what was the bacon/sausage or cheese. Seriously. The shit I paid for last night was nasty.

Regardless, we picked at it last night and that was that. This morning, I threw that heaping pile of shit away. I don't like burned pizza. Do YOU like burned pizza?? Seriously!

Fast forward to 3:00 pm today:

My husband coming in the door (unexpectedly) from work:

HDH; Where's the pizza from last night?
Me: I threw it away. It was burned.
HDH (stomping): GODDAMN IT! I WOULD HAVE EATEN IT! JESUS CHRIST!!!
I leave the room.

As I am upstairs steaming pissed at his reaction to small and insignificant problem, I debate going to the garage, pulling out the nasty ass pizza and serving it to him "been-in-the-garage-in-100-degree-plus-heat" style. But I don't.

Later this evening, I'm having wine with a neighbor and telling her my story, and she tells me I should order something for him because "I need to apologize". Bullshit. If you wanted the pizza that bad, it would have been something you would have boxed up and put in the fridge, not left on the counter over night.

And really. It's not like there isn't a lot of other stuff to eat here at the house. Like, oh, sandwiches and things that aren't BLACK and tasteless.

Jeesus H. Christ.

It's days like today that I remember fondly those of single days. You know, the ones when you came home and just ate whatever you wanted, threw away whatever you wanted, read the book, listened to the music, went to bed, farted in bed (uh, like girls do that??).