I went to the doctor's office yesterday for a routine check-up. Had some issues I wanted to talk about, but truly, nothing Earth shattering. Scheduled my appointment, showed up on time.

I walk into the office and up to the receptionist's desk. We do the usual song and dance of "same insurance?", I give her my $5.00 co-pay. She hands me paperwork to fill out, a yellow copy for my co-pay, and gives me the money and tells me to go down to another room and give the person at the desk all of this I have in my hands.

I go down the hall and find the "blue room" I'm supposed to be in. Sitting behind the desk is a very, very bitchy woman that I'll call, oh, BITCHY RAG. I tell her the front desk has asked I bring all of this to her, and she said, "Keep the money and the yellow receipt". I tell her it was my co-pay, not change. She again tells me to keep my money. (Now, Karma is a bitch and I know if I were to pocket that money, it would come back and bite me hard in the ass.) I again explain the situation to her. She looks at me like I am the dumbest person she has ever encountered. I feel the same towards her, so that is something nice to have in common.

And then ...

SHE ROLLS HER EYES. AT ME.

I am not stupid. I didn't get through my life eating my lunch. I am fairly bright person. I don't need EYES ROLLED at me. And especially by an over-entitled rag.

I look at her with all the "You fucking cow" look I could muster, and say (once again), "This IS my co-pay. I pay $5.00 every visit. I gave her FIVE DOLLARS. The woman at the front desk gave it back to me to give to you. Do you want it or not?"

(Seems the girl at the front desk was new and didn't understand she was to keep the money. I'm thinking this isn't a great day for their money bag, but whatever.)

I take the money back to the front office, the girl apologizes profusely.

In the examination room, the fun really begins. I will not be seeing a doctor, apparently, but a nurse practioner. And the NP is the BITCH RAG. Oh yes, how lucky am I!! She somewhat apologizes for the mix-up. And by somewhat, I mean, acknowledges the girl up front didn't know her ass from third base.

The NPBITCHRAG has also brought in a Resident NP. He is very nervous. He looks like this guy:



He is new. He is nervous. He is training. He doesn't speak the best English. NPBTICHRAG tells me that she will be finishing up on another patient, and he will take my H & P.

Fine.

I came in for four things: Really bad headaches that are becoming way more frequent, having trouble falling asleep at night, Allergies, and to check and see about the moles on my back.

The conversation went like this at one point:

Him: You have eyes?
Me: What?
Him: You have eyes?
Me: Eyes. Yes. Eye pain, maybe?
Him: Yes, pain eye.

OH. MY. GOD.

So going through a series of questions like this through all four of my 'problems' was so, so painful. He was trying, I give him that. A very nice guy.

NPBITCHYRAG comes back and in slumps down in her chair, barking out orders at Mr. Bean, and haranging him for not spelling some very simple word right. He was trying to type into the computer while she is yelling out how to spell a word.

At one point, she said, "So tell me about your lesions".

LESIONS?? I have no "lesions". He had typed "lesions" instead of "moles".

I got out of that appt. in under 30 minutes, with three scripts and a referral to have Plastics take off my moles.

No, wait. My LESIONS.