Last week - on Wednesday afternoon - , I called my neighbor and asked her if she'd be willing to check our mail while we were gone on this last trip. This meant walking a few steps to the north on Thursday, Friday and Saturday, picking up our mail and papers.

The end.

Conversation went like this:

Me: Hey, do you mind getting our mail tomorrow through Saturday? We leave in the morning and will be back mid-afternoon on Saturday.
Her: Sure, girlie! No problem. I'll get papers, too. I'll just leave it on my dining room table.
Me: Great!

I also see her outside that night, and thank her AGAIN for picking up our mail.

We are pulling into our driveway on Saturday afternoon, about 1:00, and there is a plethora of papers on our step, at the rate of two per day. Not good (but fucking OBVIOUS, wouldn't you say??). HDHusband opens the mailbox, mumbling something about, "Bet that idiot forgot our mail, too", and sure enough, it is brimming with our mail. Nice.

She finally calls me yesterday ('cause I was steaming pissed and didn't feel like talking to her) and leaves this message.

Tell me what YOU think, people:

"Hey, girlie! I've been checking your mail the last couple of days and there hasn't been anything in there. Maybe (other neighbor friend) is getting your mail? I'm not sure. I do have 'some' of your mail. But maybe I wasn't supposed to be getting it? I don't remember. Maybe I wasn't supposed to do it at all? Anyway, call me and let me know".

Now, let's review:
1. I asked her on Wednesday, and she said she would pick up mail.
2. She had to drive by my house all of those days, seeing the papers piling the fuck up, and didn't think, "Oh man! I need to get that shit off their step!"?
3. Because we got home on Saturday and have been doing our own mail Mon-now, has she been stupid enough to check our mailbox while we are actually home??

What a fucking dingbat.

If you forgot, just say you did. But it's really hard to jack something like that up, especially when you have to drive by our house to get to hers. Good thing I didn't ask her to water my plants.

But seriously - what do you think?