Are You There, God?
You see, I've got this three-year-old boy ... we'll call him THE BUG ... and he's got to be potty-trained by the end of August. Why the end of August? Apparently, it's 'the rule' at his Preschool that he must be in charge of his own bowels.
And yes, I believe this is asking a lot.
In the last few weeks, we (myself and our daycare person) have been attempting to lure this child in the joys of Pottyhood, if you will. And he's not buying it one. bit.
In fact, I'm sure you, God, thought it was funny yesterday to hear the conversations in this house. But for those not privvy to said conversations, they went something like this:
"Honey, it's time to go sit on the potty!"
"NO!"
"Sweetie, you are in big boy underwear. We need to go sit on the toilet."
"NO!"
"Bug, Mommy knows you went potty for Nee-Nee at daycare. Please go on the potty for Mommy."
"NO!"
At one point, I -being SuperMom- wrangled him onto the toilet. And there we sat, discussing such topics as trains, teddy grahams and spiders. Anything to keep this child seated on the throne. Ten minutes go by.
After much thought, the Bug announced, "MOMMY! IT NO WORK!" and jumps off.
Not five minutes later, The Bug not only pees, but craps himself.
I realize we are just starting this (long and never-ending) process. But if you would be so kind, God, would you PLEASE help me potty-train this kid by, say, middle of August? I know you have bigger fish to fry - like war, famine and Lindsay Lohan (no really, what the hell were you thinking when you constructed that crazy thing?) - but if you could PLEASE offer me some help in this matter, it would be greatly appreciated.
Amen.
Labels: joys of pottyhood, the bug and mommy
