So ...

Once upon a time, there was a patient wife (and beautiful, and lovely, and all those things, of course). She had a husband who had a beautiful fish tank. She knew how much the fish tank meant to her husband, so she supported all the things her husband did to make the tank beautiful.

And then around 1:40 a.m. on a Monday morning, her husband shook her awake saying, "WE HAVE A PROBLEM! THERE'S A FLOOD!".

Fish tank + leak = water in basement

Patient Wife is really more pissed that she got woken up at 1:40 in the morning and how it took her two hours really to fall back asleep. Not happy about the flood, but more pissed off about lack of sleep. Sleep is important to Patient Wife. She went through a year without it with her baby and cares not to ever experience it again. Patient Wife has plumber on schedule for Tuesday.

And to make light of the disaster, sends page to husband that says, "How tall are you again? I'm digging a whole in the backyard ...".

Husband does not find this funny. Boo.

On Tuesday, Patient Wife is woken up around 6:00 a.m. with "Okay, I think I broke the washing machine ...." - and then the sound of husband high-tailing his shit out of the house for work. (smart) Sure enough! Husband got upset that door wouldn't open and ripped it apart.

Plumber is supposed to arrive between 1-3.
Repairman is supposed to arrive between 1-5.
Start time for baseball game is 6:35.

Plumber calls, won't be here until tomorrow.
Repairman will 'hopefully' be here by 4:45-5:00.
Start time for baseball is still 6:35.

Patient Wife is then lauded with a lot of kick ass martinis and a good time at the baseball game - if they ever get there, of course.

THE FUCKING END