We are stranded here in the cat infested home of HDH (HotDrHusband's) father's house. Said father left HDH's mother and has remarried (aka Traded Down as in BIG TIME). The Freak (her code name and accurate description) is a long time Percocet junkie having somehow extorted from some poor family practice doctor a lifetime supply of Percocet in return for minimalizing his encounters with said Freak and her multiple fabricated illnesses (including hole in neck, trip to ER on Xmas Eve for a sinus infection, etc.)

We drag our 19-mth-old son on a plane flight from hell so HDH's workaholic dad can spend no time with him or us, leaving us to rot with the narcotic addicted freakshow.

It turns out, when you take 18 Percocet a day, several things happen:

1. You operate equipment (read: car) like SHIT.

2. You tend to have conversations with yourself, interrupting people with stories they don't really care about.

3. You tend to have odd sleep patterns, causing you to wake up at 3 a.m. for a bowl of Cream of Wheat (while walking around like this pasty fucking vampire in a bathrobe).

4. Narcotics are VERY constipating; therefore, despite ingesting gallons of prune juice and boxes of laxatives, you end up shitting handfuls of pebbles most days followed up a weekly torrest of diarrhea that makes you the absolute expert in location and condition of public restroom facilities in the entire fucking city.

5. Said person keeps volunteering to watch the toddler. Now I don't know about you, but if on the babysitter employment form under the line "please name extra-curricular activies put taking 18 Percocet a day", it seems pretty fucking unlikely that person would get the babysitting gig. I'd rather leave the kid with Michael Fucking Jackson.

So ... HDH has decided to have what is loosely determined as a "Come to Jesus" talk with his Father. In other words, if we cart toddler out here again and get stuck in the cat infested hell hole (as we are both allergic) with Narcotic Addicted Freak Show for several days waiting for his presumably retired ass to come home from a 10 hour day of work to spend an hour with his grandson before bedtime, then we will be inheriting their fortune much quicker than his Father thought.

Transcribed by HDW, while HDH paced back and forth ranting and raving. All is accurate, though. Very.

SIDENOTE FROM HDW:

After typing this, I hear HDH walking away, sneezing about 14 times in a row, then announcing to the cat, 'FUCK YOU CAT'. Oh jeezus.