Dear CrazyExGirlfriend,


Wow.

It's time already for another letter to you? You might need to refresh your memory with the letter I sent you HERE a few months back .... go ahead, I'll wait ....

Another email from you to HDHusband last night!! I'm not sure what we should be doing - repsonding? Not responding?* When we ignore you, you write. When we respond with a polite brush-off, you respond. You'd think by now you'd get past this obsession. And that's what it is: an obsession.

I find it so obvious as to why you write him. You ask the easiest questions just to have open dialogue with my husband, not the answers. It's such a girl thing to do! You'd ask him why the sky was blue if it meant getting a resopnse from him somehow.

You've been mean, shallow, nasty, awful and bitter for six years. I don't believe for a second you've turned a corner. You've been practicing 'mean and nasty' and probably have a Master's in Bitch by now. It's old hat to you.
What will it take to make you go away?

So, latest email:

You say you need computer help?

Call the IT Dept. at work. They'll help you figure out the questions you asked my husband. He isn't your own personal IT person. He probably wouldn't care if you were subjected to using an abacus.

You say you're going on a trip to South America and leaving on January 20th?

Have a great trip. Don't forget to fall off Machu Pichu when you are "hiking". Or look for an escalator - you might need that to get up the thing.

You say you need someone to rent your house while you're gone and could my husband ask around for you?

RIGHT. Let me get right on that! Because you've done us SO MANY FAVORS over the last six years. I especially like the part when you kept calling and harassing his dying mother. Or the part when you called the day we got home with our son from the hospital, swearing we'd been calling you and hanging up. So right, let me call up some friends who would be happy to sit the house for you. They'd probably even take care of any plumbing issues for you. You know, and by 'take care', and I mean, 'start them'. (elizard and company?)

Oh, and thanks for leaving your phone number and saying, "Thanks for keeping an eye out".

We were so hoping for it, you know, so we could just call you up and chat away about everything under the sun. Being best friends forever and all! And there is nothing we'd RATHER DO than help you up, keeping an eye out to make sure your house didn't self-combust on your trip to South America. Right. Sure. Okay.

You stupid, stupid woman. We wish you well, we wish you far. So go, already.

Sincerely,
HDW and HDH

* I should mention something. Was I snooping in his email? No. I was doing our Christmas card list, and all the addresses were in his Outlook. HE KNEW and he DIDN'T care that I was in his email. I tried publishing Dave's comment, but it vanished. I wasn't snooping, so no worries.