Meh.

Today, I got word that my uncle was taken Flight For Life into a local hospital with congestive heart failure, fluid and blood clots in his lungs, among a few other problems. He hasn't taken the best care of himself, but conversely, this is still the best connection I really have to my dad (who has been gone for twelve years). I will be the first to admit that the news really shook me up. I had a chance to meet up with my grandparents and my aunt at a place up the road (prompting one of the funniest exchanges I've heard between them in a long while), and the intent of visiting my uncle on Friday morning when he is allowed visitors.

Tonight, I was having the discussion with my husband about my absolute fear of losing the men in my life. My mother lost her grandfather, brother and husband in a short amount of time. I've lost my closest grandfather and another man that was just like family to me. I told him I had sworn after my dad died that I wouldn't get married, or stay with anyone too long. I didn't want to lose anyone else.

HDH: You really felt that way?

HDW: Yes, I did. If you don't answer me right away, I am afraid you have had a heart attack somewhere and died. I can't not think that way. I've been preprogrammed after losing people I love.

HDH: I take good care of myself.

HDW: So did my dad.

HDH: Well, let's be realistic, shall we? If I'm going to die, it's not because I haven't taken care of myself. It's going to be because I've pissed you off enough that you "take care of the problem" and feed me to the fish. I'm just saying, HDW, that that's far more likely.

HDW: And you have a point. A good one.

Labels: family, hdh-isms