I hate bad days.

And I hate bad days that turn into a bad week.

I'm pretty sure that if I were in a cartoon, there would be a little cloud over me. Not quite raining, but threatening to rain.

I know I'm in a rough spot when I have visions of moving it all back to my hometown, where life is quieter, less hectic and centered. I need my center.

Granted, I'm pretty sure it's a combination of many things, but I am inspired.

Therefore, allow me to vent:

I am tired of defending myself. To him, to her, to them. Always. It never ends and it's getting nighty old. I like who I am. I like the way I am, but I don't like myself this angry and unhappy. It's not fair to many, but mostly, it's not fair to ME. To borrow a line from Kathleen Edwards, "I'm tired of playing defense and I don't even have hockey skates".

And in that same vein:

I am tired of people making ridiculous assumptions. It's impressive to me how narrow-minded people can be. Because I live in this house, then I must have everything? Hardly. And what is 'everything'? Things are always greener on the other side. I wish for many things in my life that aren't. But I'm learning that you can spend just as much time into being miserable as you can into being happy, and the last one sounds like a better freaking option.

There are things I do when I have days/weeks like this. I listen to music, specifically lyrics, that makes me think. Lately, I've had an affection for Brandi Carlile.

And on that really happy note:

I told a friend once that 'perspective is just about how you choose to look at things'. I am taking my own advice, putting my hands over my ears, putting the blinders on and taking care of me now.

(I'm still gonna post, it's just gonna be bareboned honest)

Labels: bad week