Dear Home Depot Employee (that I encountered, sadly, this morning at 9:00 a.m.),

We met in the aisle. Do you remember? It was the aisle with all the cleaning products and light bulbs. I was coming down the aisle, and you were coming from the other direction - pulling your cart along. I didn't really see your face, I was too busy looking for the Windex.

Suddenly, you turned around and walked away. You left your cart. I wondered what had happened .... ?

And then ... it hit me. The pungent smell of rotten ass! YOU FARTED AND LEFT! And it wasn't just any fart. OH NO!! It was a SBD if I have EVER encountered one! Silent, but oh-so-very deadly. And powerful. It made my eyes water. I gagged, and maybe threw up a bit in my mouth. You could have knocked over an elephant with that smell.

What did you eat? What in the world caused your colon that much fury??

The smell - truly - invaded my nose and in all likelyhood, cinged any or all nose hairs I had. Putrid, foul, revolting, you name it.

So, my advice to you, dear Rotten Ass, is next time you feel such an 'urge' rising in your bowels (because really, that had to have been stewing for a good long while), find another aisle. A bathroom. Better yet, go outside and burn another hole in the ozone.

Sincerely,
An Unsuspecting Customer (Who Then Made Like a Bandit For The Door Without Her Windex)