I'm just a touch bent this morning. A little on the pissed off side, methinks. And if you aren't in the mood for an angry rant with nothing funny whatsoever to read, skip this post entirely.


Late last year, my little brother's birthmother found him. My brother was beyond thrilled to learn about his history, know more about his bio-family, and has been in touch with everyone but the birthfather since then.

My brother told me for two reasons:

1. I am adopted, as well, and I could relate well (or guess, anyway) at how he was feeling. To go your entire life looking in the mirror and not seeing any family resemblance isn't always easy.

2. Our adoptive mother (whom I refer to as The Emotional Vampire or Captain Bringdown ... no, really) is the most narcisstic person I know. We knew she'd flip out. We knew she'd try and make this happy occasion into something all about her. She'd charge in and ruin this.



Yesterday, my grandmother called (mom's mom). My mom had apparently just found out five months later. My nephew (six) had spilled the beans and my brother had to tell her what had happened. And my mother did exactly what I expected her to to do - make it entirely about her.

This is my brother's ... this new relationship with his biological family . His biological mother hasn't pushed anything, only to tell him how much she wanted to know more about him. She told him she was 15, and after having him, wanted him back, that she tried to get my brother back from my parents. And in all fairness, it would have been harder for her ... my brother has Sensory Integration Dysfunction with Hyperactivity. He was a total handful growing up. He required a lot of time and resources.

My brother showed me photos of her and his half-siblings. It's uncanny. They look just like him. In one photo, I thought of sure I was staring at my brother around the age of 9. I have not met them, and I'm not sure I ever will. It's just fine if I don't - this is my brother's. He owns this experience. Of course, I'm curious - but truly, it's more self-directed now that he's found his. I wonder more about mine. This is a new path for him, and I'm proud that he's taking it and learning about his biological family and their history.

According to my grandmother, my mother's first statement to my brother was, "So, does she want to meet me?"

Oh, EmotionalVampire, it's all 'drama, drama' for you, now isn't?

Not, "How incredible. How are you feeling about this?"
Or, "What is she like? Do you have brothers or sisters?"

No, just the assumption that it's going to be a big group hug. Not hardly. When his bio-mom asked about his family, my brother said, "My dad died and my sister is married with a kid". When she asked him about EmotionalVampire, my brother said, "Well, it ain't all that good." That's quite the understatement.

My mother told my grandmother that she's now 'lost both of her children'. And at least half of that is true: she lost me years ago.

Too many episdoes of verbal abuse ("You killed your father; you broke his heart and he DIED!"), physical abuse (getting suckerpunched down the stairs at 8-yrs-old and knocked out cold) and countless of other issues, finally forcing me to protect myself and my family from her.

I finally cut ties with her almost two years ago, and I have not looked back since. I don't miss feeling like shit. I don't miss begging for love I was never going to get. I don't miss having a narcissitic person sucking the life out of me. I don't miss throwing a bucket down a well expecting water and getting dust. It wasn't a hard decision once it was made. The only regret I have is that I didn't have a mother I could go to and talk with. I couldn't trust my mother and still can't do this day.

My brother is tied to her for various reasons. She controls him financially - which is the biggest reason why he sticks around for more. Every time he starts to gain his independence, she pushes my brother down again. She truly is the "no more wire hangers!!" mom. (HDH does a great impression, by the way)

I expected all of her control issues to seep back up when she found out about the news. Everything I predicted she'd do, she has. The spotlight must always be on her, you know. It's a matter of time before she hunts the woman down herself because my brother won't pony up a name and number.

If she's not careful, my brother will tell the biological mother exactly the kind of bat-shit crazy person my mom has been;she'll have a whole new war to contend with. He'll tell his biological mom about how his mom tried to hit him while he had his son in his arms, and instead of taking a hit, he grabbed her hand and said, "You will never hurt me or sis ever again" - and held on to her so tightly he broke a little bone in her little finger.

If my brother wanted to, he could say quite a bit. He won't, but he could.