My neighbor, TheBirdKiller (also The One that refers to our flowers as being "so pedestrian") has been out-of-town this past week. I have been watering her flowers for her.

This is a snippet from a previous blog post (and blogger sucks because it's not letting me link today, dirty bitch):


"My neighbor, TheBirdKiller, has asked me to water her hanging baskets while they are gone. Happy to. Except, she is really fucking clueless about them.

She had three hanging baskets ordered from the landscaping company. They were beautiful. Over time, hers started crumping. While standing outside with her and another male neighbor, we were discussing said crumping and GuyNeighbor says, "You know, you aren't watering them enough. You need to really stick the hose in ... " and started to do it for her. She rips the hose out of his hand and tells him he is overwatering her hanging baskets.

A week later, they are completely dead and she's getting all new ones from the landscaping company. Now, our hanging baskets have geraniums in them. She informed me ours were 'nice', but she didn't like 'those geraniums - they are so pedestrian'. Fine. But my baskets are doing well, and yours are sucking SHIT.

While talking to her yesterday and getting my instructions from her for taking care of them, she tells me they just need 'a spritz'. If you want dead ass hanging baskets that cost a lot of money a piece, then I'll spritz them. But if you want to have real live flowers upon your return from Richville, then just SHUT YOUR YAPPER! and let me do it for you.

But what do I know, right? My flowers are so ... pedestrian."

The BirdKiller called today from the mountains and the following conversation took place:

Her: Oh, HDW! I meant to tell you - I figured out why my hanging baskets were dying.

Me: Yes.?

Her: Well, I was underwatering them!

Crickets chirpped. Honestly. I didn't even know what to say to that.

I HAVE BEEN TELLING HER THIS ALL SUMMER LONG!! WHY IN THE HELL WOULD SHE NOT LISTEN?? I HAVE HANGING BASKETS THAT ARE ALIVE DAMMIT!

She is a moron. And something tells me that is just being plain mean to morons.