Random shit from The Weekend:


HDHusband regarding a diaper change he did: "That was a FOUR ALARM WIPER! I even had to keep him from scooting his ass across the carpet."

RedneckBrother regarding my insanely honest grandmother: "She said she had to shit so bad she blew the head off the shitter! And those were her exact words!"

My husband's super-crazy-ex GIRLFRIEND (oops, probably something to have mentioned before, huh?) has been trying to raise money for a local cancer walk/run. She apparently sent him an email and link a few weeks ago asking for a donation.

(SOUND OF CRICKETS CHIRPING HERE)

For those of you familiar with the WHOLE story, you'll know why he/we didn't answer her email.

For those of you that DON'T, I'll sum it up that she has been in our lives for six very LONG years, stalked his dying mother, has asked him to be her sperm donor, switched places of employement so she could work with him and now purchased a home and lives less than a mile from us, making trips to the Post Office lots of fun. There are a plethora of other stories about her, but I'm working on moving on. Kind of.

She's nuts. Wheels-off-the-cart-crazier-than-legs-on-a-snake-kind-of crazy.

When looking at her site link yesterday, we saw she had set her fundraising goal of $15,000. Impressive!! And unrealistic!!! Everyone else had their goal of $500 or $1000, but her? Nooooooo ... let's go over the top!!

And looking at what she has actually raised (with the deadline being this morning), she only needed $14,930.

That's right - she's raised only SEVENTY DOLLARS. Maybe she thought all the surgeons she works with would pony up for her 'good cause'. Maybe she should have been NICER to everyone and they WOULD HAVE helped. No one likes her. She's mean to everybody.

Our money would be better spent if we were driving down Interstate-25 at a rapid rate of freaking speed and thrown the money out of the motherfucking window.

And YES, we support cancer research. We just don't support HER.

And ... last but not least ...

HDHusband's joke: "What did the leper say to the whore? KEEP THE TIP!"